It feels good, to feel good

[IN NEED OF HELP]

I must say that I feel great. It has been many years since I felt as good as I do at this very moment. My head feels very clear. Clear of all the Sick, Disgusting, Dirty thoughts I have always had in my head. One would never imagine just how much porn could destroy your thinking and outlook on life. I never felt I was doing anything wrong, nor did I ever think that the thoughts I had in my head where wrong, to me, I was a normal man, just doing what we do best. But since it was discovered, I was viewing P, AND DOING SO ON A REGULAR BASIS; I have decided to clean up my act, to make me a better person. But I will be honest, if I wasn’t caught, I would still be living the secret life I was living. The one thing I do know is that I never ever want to have P as a part of my life anymore. I still have a lot of work to do in my life to make me the person I want to be. But I am very much on that road to fix me. It is a wonderful feeling when you SO, tells you that she is proud of the changes you already made in a very short period. It is a wonderful feeling when your SO supports and help you in this recovery. In my short time in recovery, I come to see that women where not put on this earth, to be used as S*X objects. They where not put on this earth to be something that us MEN look at, and then go home and think about them, and release ourselves too. I have always loved my LADY, and I have always thought that she was the most BEAUTIFUL woman on this earth. And I still believe that she is. But for some reason, when I look at her now, I see beauty that I have never noticed before in her. I see her heart in ways that I haven’t seen. When I look at her, my HEART beats a lot more than it ever has beat before. When I touch her, or when she touches me, I feel more warmth than I ever felt. To me, I guess my feeling changed, because I no longer have thoughts, images or anything of the such about other women in my mind. My mind is clear of all the trash that my use of P had in it. So now when I look at my lady, it is only her I see. There are no other thoughts in my head to take my mind off the woman I love and will always love. There is no other woman that I want to spend my time with. All the years I allowed P to numb my brain, I am seeing what I missed out on for a long time with my lady. I can see that she never really had the REAL ME. I never gave her the attention that I should have given her and what she needed from me. How sad it is when you come to see that all the attention you were giving a woman, was one that was on a computer site, that you couldn’t touch, talk to, let alone feel. But the one you should have been with wasn’t far away; she was in the other room of the house, wishing you were with her, instead of being in the computer room. Look at all those wasted years us men waste. I am so glad I was found out about my addiction. I only wish I had never hurt and destroyed THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, because of my addiction. But I am so very determined to fix me, so I can fix us, and be the man she has always dreamed about being with. I feel great. Only 24 days free, and I FEEL GREAT. I can’t wait to see what 60 days feels like, BUT ONE DAY AT A TIME. It feels so good to be making the needed changes in my life. But I haven’t done this on my own. I HAVE MY LADY TO THANK ALSO. She didn’t give up on me, but instead she is right here at my side helping me make the right steps. I also have to give credit to each and everyone of you that had helped me and encouraged me here on TTF

I LOVE ALL OF YOU HERE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH

[JenMac]

INOH!
What a wonderful post! I am so happy that you are feeling all of the benefits of the positive changes you are making in your life! What a great start you have made and what great feelings to hold onto!
I am so happy to hear that your SO is standing by you and that the 2 of you are making those connections and working through this together! That is truly the way to fight this, by coming together you build that strength that is necessary to get through this.
Awesome, awesome post! Beautiful, heartfelt sentiment!
Merry Christmas INOH to you and yours! It is the season!
Jenn

[Steelerfan27]

Man, I'm really happy for you! There's so much good and so many positive things that can come about by leaving P behind. I'm hopeful that I'll get there too. It's inspiring and encouraging to hear that others are succeeding.

Keep going!

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Steelerfan27

Thank You for your words. Anyone on here can beat tis addiction if it is in our Hearts to do so. Just by you being here, shows that you can be a winner in this.

I am proud to say that i am starting day 56 of a sober life.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Jen i also want to thank you for your response. I can not believe that i didn't respond to you last month when you replied. I feel bad about it, because YOUR WORDS, always means so much to me in my Heart

[BeingThere]

I enjoy reading these kinds of posts. It's a discovery for some to find they were even doing anything "wrong". I'm so glad you are finding joy in freedom.

-Mike