Dangerous Water

[Medium]

Hi Everyone,

It's been 43 days since I joined this forum and quit my bad habit and it has not been a painful process. I have visited this site regularly and read posts and posted a little bit myself. This is a great resource, so thank you very much to everyone who posts support to others and the administrators who keep the site ticking and improving all the time.
When it comes to kicking a habit like this though in the long run I think you're giving up by yourself (and for yourself). I've had some success in getting control of my thoughts which I think are what leads to this habit in the first place, but it's easy to become lazy and I know that I let myself think some things I shouldn't. I feel like someone with tourrette's syndrome of the mind.
I think perhaps I haven't successfully pursued other hobbies and I haven't found the extra warmth with my spouse that will help me through here, and I still find myself wavering, wondering why I am doing this sometimes and wondering how long I will succeed. I'm finding myself wading into more and more dangerous water sometimes, and although I have kept my promise to myself I know I am endangering my success.
I guess there's still a hole where this habit used to be and I'm not too sure how to fill it. It was a hobby that I would engage in on my own when no one else is around and I still like to spend that time on my own with no one else around. I get the impression that hobbies are the way to go here, guys, I don't really know why I'm wavering to fill my time with them!

[sarerah]

recovoring from this type of addiction is soo hard... but we must never forget that we are never alone. we always have Jesus on our side as many as the other recovorers.

[seeker]

Please leave Jesus, Moses, Allah and the Raelians from Scientology out of this forum! It's about making yourself a better boyfriend/husband/person through self-discovery, self-awareness and self-improvement. It's not about religion.

Religious talk only serves to scare people (like myself) away.

[Medium]

I'm a bit confused today. I let myself down last night by relieving myself. Afterwards I felt relaxed more than disgusted, so I don't know what this means in my battle. I think I'm talking myself around this thing, but I think my main battle is against pornography and my attitude to sex and women. I think the selfish attitude of self gratification is also not a good habit, but perhaps a lesser evil here. This is something I hadn't really thought of the past month. For those of us who are married or in a relationship it may be natural to have some sexual activity, but those of us who have no sexual relations then the lack of sexual release which we experience through masturbation is surely a different battle.
I'll set my clock back to zero today and try harder. 44 days is my target.

[Medium]

Setting my clock back to zero didn't work as well as I had planned and ended up blowing the whole thing out of the water yesterday. Wasting time on the web. It's funny how those 44 days didn't really seem to count for anything yesterday. My resolve was just gone for like 48 hours. I know I'm trying to lie to myself here, but we have a guest at our house for the next 2 months and so I am half thinking that this will strengthen my resolve, but the truth is I'm the only one who can determine my own resolve. I will climb back up on the horse though and try to beat 44 days. 45 would be good. 88 would be better! I think I'll aim for 45 first.

[hintongirl23]

Hi Medium...as a wife of someone who is a PA, something that has helped him is to remind him that he doesn't need to take it all at once.Too much pressure is not good for anyone. Not to aim for 32, 88, 20 days, just tomorrow. I remind him to take it one day at a time. Some will be easier, some harder. 44 is a big number which can lead to feeling like a big failure if you slip up. Just remember its ok. We all slip up from time to time. Take it to tomorrow. And then to the next.

I appreciate your honesty with your struggle. Hang in there.

[Coyote Toast]

I think you're on the right track with the hobby idea. Though I would suggest finding hobbies that are more than casual interests -- look for passionate pursuits, the kind of things you've always wanted to do but never got around to. Build a boat, learn to play music, start mountain climbing, whatever. Something that feeds the soul in a powerful way. I don't know about others, but I know for myself that using P has been a way to fill holes in my self that could be better filled by other means. P really seems to live off a lonely, despairing kind of mood, for which it provides a temporary relief, like a drug. But it never really resolves the underlying despair, which keeps it addictive. Find the despair and fill it with your grandest dreams, I say. Meanwhile, don't beat yourself up over the setbacks: the key to the treasure is the treasure.

[Medium]

Thank you both for your encouragement. Hintongirl, you're right. I will try not to think too far ahead. I will try to concentrate on what I'm gaining now rather than try to achieve some goal that isn't achievable. I don't know if I'll ever say that I'm free of this stuff, so I may as well just appreciate the time I'm not wasting. This may not be great logic, but in some ways I guess my slip up has made me realise a bit better what a waste of time it all is and how sneeky and underhand the whole affair has to be.
Coyote Toast, I think you're right about the scale of the hobby too! That sounds exciting. To throw myself into something spectacular rather than just finding something to replace my previous habit. Music is my main passion and something I have always wanted to do more. This is where my energy will go! I've never written a whole song but written many many bits of songs. I want to write a whole song. This is my goal for the next month. I'll let you know if I manage to do it!

[Coyote Toast]

Oh man, I'm with you all the way! Write the song, then another! Sing to everyone -- give it away! Can there be any better fun?

[dave42]

I think Hintongirl is right: 44 days is a big number. I guess I'm hoping to make it 44 YEARS! Just one day at a time, right? So, I'm at day 33 or something like that--all i need to do is get through this day. Okay, good luck with the song, Medium! But, again, just as 44 days is a huge task, a whole song is a big project -- so throw yourself into it, but if you can't write the whole thing, don't beat yourself up!