Experiencing cravings today

[Edge]

Feeling strong urge to act out with porn and/or masturbation. It's important for me to not keep these experiences bottled up. I want to publicly commit to stay sober today. Acting out isn't the answer!

[Crisodian]

Good for you for fighting to stay on the path! You can do this.

Peace,
~C~

[Edge]

Your support and encouragement are greatly appreciated.

[astander]

You definitely need a good distraction! I suggest staying away from the computer if at all possible.

My dad told me once that the following statement helped him quit smoking: "whether or not you have a cigarette, the urge for one will go away." Not sure if that applies/helps in your situation.

[Edge]

My job requires me to be online literally all day every day. When started working here, and for the first year and a half, the company ran an Internet filter that blocked ALL porn and racy websites. About a year ago, the Internet filter was removed, and now we can go anywhere.

Visiting TTF and posting messages is a helpful counterbalance to the cravings.

Eric

[Crisodian]

Eric,
While a job that requires you to be online all day long can be a real challenge to stay away from temptation, when you find you are skating too close to the edge, get up, take a walk, move. Even if it's laps around the building or excecise in your office. Anything that gets you away from the temptation immediately, and moving around to release the "good" brain chemicals will help. 10 minutes should do the trick.

Good luck and be strong!

~C~

[City Fool]

My job requires me to be online literally all day every day. When started working here, and for the first year and a half, the company ran an Internet filter that blocked ALL porn and racy websites. About a year ago, the Internet filter was removed, and now we can go anywhere.

Visiting TTF and posting messages is a helpful counterbalance to the cravings.

Eric

I find it odd your company removed the filter unless it was a cost problem or was filtering important non-P or racy data and hindering business. Doesn't matter. The only truly effective filter is in your mind and your fingers. There is so much racy stuff on the 'net and other media, it's impossible to filter or ignore it all.
I may have mentioned this before however, I'm a fan of classical literature and buy a lot of DVD's that are based on classical novels (Thomas Hardy, Jane Austen) or films based on historical events (The Young Victoria) and these often have fairly graphic scenes.
That's not a problem and a lot of media content isn't either, not for me.
My biggest enemy are the images of things I had viewed before that linger and the urges those images prompt, often at the most unexpected times and with no warning.
That's my biggest foe.
The computer gave me more access and that's where the wheels came off.
I no longer smoke and the smell of a smoker is disgusting to me but I know I could start any time. I just haven't. I drink in very limited amounts and I can go a year with a drink as easily as I can a day.
I was a heavy drug user years ago and have no desire to revisit that again.
But P is just so slippery. It can worm it's way past the strongest defense, the best intentions, the most devout promises. You name it, P will find away around over or through whatever blocks I throw up to ward it off. So it's a day by day battle and even if I never had a computer again, discarded my TV, the images would remain and so the fight is now me vs me.
I've really not had the time lately to keep my journal up to date, and mark my progress for the good or bad. I have some front burner issues I'm involved in that aren't of my making, but I know what ever else I set aside for present business, the P images refuse ot go away and so the struggle continues.
Being alone and under pressure is no help. Gosh, where was I going with this?
Filters. A great tool. Activity. Better yet. Communication and honesty. Two more. Ths TTF site and the members are the best.
Don't look for the cravings to go away completely. Ever. Channel them and dilute them with the above weapons.
And never quit and never let anyone try to convince you P is harmless, normal and acceptable. Much of is legal, freedom of expression, but it doesn't make it any less addictive or damaging.
To me, P will be with me just as my typos will be. Forever. I doubt I'll ever be free of either and both are embarrassing but only one is disruptive to my life and my self esteem.

CF

[astander]

city fool, your post scares me to death.

[City Fool]

city fool, your post scares me to death.

Gosh, I'm sorry. That wasn't my intent at all. Can you fine tune that a bit?

In my opinion, the more one knows about an enemy, the better able to defense against that enemy.
P is a tough opponent and it has a lot of public support. There are health warnings on cigarette packs and alcohol containers. There are admonisitions to drink responsibly in alcohol advertising.
P is restricted by fedreral, state and local laws and those laws pertain to the most illeagal form, which we all know, and it's only on sites like TTF that one can find information in detail from first hand accounts of the many downsides of the P industry.
( And many sites are only shilling for money from people who suffer from PA.)
It was not my intent to paint a hopeless portrait of efforts to rid ones life of PA, merely an honest assesment of what I have personally encountered.
There are weapons with which to fight PA and read some of the other members journals and you'll see there are a lot of success stories from which to draw strength.
I've only recently admitted to myself that I had an addiction and I've not been on the site very long and I'm just pointing out what I encounter. We're all different and our lives and how P has and might still affect our lives is different as well.
I've not thrown in the towel be any stretch, and I fight every day.
I totally apologize if I frightened you and I urge you to continue your recovery with every means at your disposal.
I just feel that forewarned is forearmed and that was where I was going.
I didn't write the book on surviving P addiction but I hope to add my chapter one day.
That book is being written here every post, PA or SO.
This site is ahead of the game and it is a voice in the wilderness.

CF

[Daniel]

...So it's a day by day battle and even if I never had a computer again, discarded my TV, the images would remain and so the fight is now me vs me.

City Fool,

Excellent encouragement to Edge, and this comment stood out so insightful, thank you for the thought and the action.

Daniel