How to start the recovery process ?

[Evans11]

Hi everyone,

First off, I really appreciate what all of you members on the forum are doing, and I hope things go as best they can for all of you.

I want to start the thread by saying a bit about myself first. Despite my username, I am actually muslim (my background is Jordanian if that helps) , and I am going to university right now. As you can guess, I also suffer from p_rn addiction (herein referred to as PA) quite badly.

I came to this forum because I have to admit that I have become so weak willed that I cant even stick to any promise I make to myself to stay away from P at any attempt to stop. So I was hoping you all could please help me out somehow.

I think that my personal situation has made things worse thought because some of you might know that technically, Muslims are not allowed to have girlfriends or to date at all. Now I dont know if its a valid excuse, but I am 23 right now and it hurts so much to see all my friends have girlfriends (and I honestly wish I had someone like that in my life) and when you see people blatantly kissing on the street. I think this is what drives me into desp air .

I think the problem is also made worse because my parents keep saying I cant look for a wife until I am done with my studies, and have gotten a good job (which is really hard with the economy). So I am basically looking at many years of being alone. What I am trying to say here I guess is that being alone is what I think now drives my PA, while in the past it used to be that hormonal drive, because I honestly dont feel the same drive that I used to during puberty.

Now that you know my story, I hope you can all give me some honest feedback and suggestions on what to do. My parents wont give, and I have had to recently turn away a very sweet and beautiful girl out of fear I would get in trouble at home. So please, dont worry about sugar coating anything. If you think I need a kick up the backside to get on track to stopping, let me know. If you have any suggestions or have been in this spot yourselves, I would really love to hear from you. And thank you all in advance for your help !

[Evans11]

Some of you might know I posted here before. I did not reveal the last time I was a muslim for reasons you can probably guess. But I figured I have to be honest with you all if anything is going to change. So I apologize for not being open with you all in the past.

[mell]

Evans,

What I had to do was find accountability partners. I have them on this site and in 'real life'. You may want to look into support groups, if there are any in your area.

Loneliness is a huge trigger for most PAs. I think finding healthy activities and friends to spend time with would be a great help. Even if you find something non - related, like a club or group through your school, just something to take up your idle time.

Coming here to post has helped me out tremendously. I am here every day. When I am thinking about acting out, it really helps to just read from others journals. There is a lot of knowledge here, use it.

The fact that you are single says a lot about you. Many of us (including myself) had to be dragged into recovery after being caught by our wives or girlfriends.

Best wishes to you on your journey.

[2frustrated]

Evans,

You're in a catch-22. You feel you are driven to p because you are enticed by all of the sexual stimuli in your environment (couples on the street, ads, guy talk, etc.), yet the more you view p the greater effect those environmental stimuli have. For example, before I became addicted to p, I would merely check out, for a brief moment, attractive women who happened to walk by. After being conditioned by p, I found it nearly impossible not to totally gawk at attractive women, and the effect of seeing them was all-consuming. My blood would boil through my veins and I'd feel like I'd have to have that woman. Fortunately I never approached any of those women, but I would find that after seeing them, I would want to look at p even more. So I'd look at p more, and then I would gawk at passersby more. My point, Evans, is that if you stop viewing p, then all of those real-world stimuli which you find so difficult to deal with will have less and less of a hold over you. I assure you that this is the case. Then, of course, the less of a hold those stimuli have over you, the less you'll want to view p.

While you work on defeating that cycle, think hard about what the underlying problems might be in your p compulsion. Yes, you are lonely, but I feel it is more than that. Perhaps you have the feeling that your life is too structured, that you have little outlet for your true (creative) self. P, then, is an escape from that trapped feeling and a false replacement for the fulfillment that you seek. Am I on the right track here?

I hope you don't mind me quoting the Qur'an in English (trans. Abdullah Yusuf Ali):

Surah 43:11 That sends down rain from the sky in due measure; - and We raise to life therewith a land that is dead; even so will you be raised.

Evans, now is your time to be raised. You will receive true fulfillment from the "rain from the sky." There are many beautiful things in store for you, and p is not part of it.

[PER50NA]

i agree with mell reading journals and posting in your own journal will help alot you will probly be surprized by how much it helps