day 4

[trueself]

i talked to my therepist today and told him that i was lieing about my recovery progression and i was actually falling back into that fantisy world. it was hard but i know i need to admit that i have a serious problem and as much as i want to do this by myself and be strong enough to just say stop and to stop. I DONT! and i need to use all the support i have to overcome this addiction. at first i lasted 6 weeks and during those six weeks i started getting back into golf and back in the gym i started to feel so much better about my self and than i relapsed and instead of confiding in my wife i kept it from her and just kept telling my self i will stop tomorrow but tomorrow never came and i slipped deeper into the addiction. and all my interest in golf and getting back into shape disipated and dissappeared and i went back to being controlled instead of being in control. so now i am on day 4 and i ran today and am going back to the driving range to work on my swing. i just hope now that i am determined to use my support system i.e. wife, sister-inlaw, therepy, and this site. i will be able to stick with it and if in the unforsene future i relapse again i will fall upon my support system to help me back up and back on track and not fall back into old habits. wish me luck

[HalfPint]

hey, yea, good luck man. I know what its like to start quitting and then relapse back into it. I remember one time I stopped looking at porn for a month, but I had 2 problems (and these were only problems for me). My first problem was that I still masturbated, and often. Doing so brought explicit images into my mind which made me want the "real" thing more and more and eventually went back. The second problem that I had was that I was basing my success and my strength off of something else that was quite temporary. I wanted to go out with a girl and I was trying to ask her out, and all the while that I was seeing if she was right for me and she was seeing if she was right for me and me right for her I sustained from porn. However as soon as we "broke up", she wasn't a girlfriend but we both decided that it wouldn't work out to go out and that we should just be friends. When that happened there went my strength and I went right back to porn. It wasn't until I came here and started realizing that the strength was mine that I shouldn't base it off anything else, that I just need the strength of others to get me on my feet and I need the strength and encouragement of others to use my own strength. It wasn't until I came here and got the encouragement that I knew that I had strength to overcome this addiction, and that other people really did care about my success.

Anyways, I think its amazing that you have such an amazing wife. I say amazing because I have seen many situations where porn broke up the family, and its totally cool that shes trying to stick it out with you and help you out. We are all here for you to, no matter what happens. If you stumble again, don't worry about it, don't let it depress you, just come here, post how you feel, post how it happened, and we will reply to you and try as hard as we can to encourage you. Because you know what? some of us Are, and some of us were in your shoes, and we ALL know what your going through and we are ALL here for you. Because we care about you and your success.

Also I would like to encourage you to come here as often as you can, whether or not you got tempted that day or whether or not you succeeded and whether or not you didn't succeed. Keep a daily journal on here, and at the very least use the forum as a counter to count the number of days that you've stayed "clean". The two most encouraging things in my journey have been the people here, and knowing the number of days I've been clean. Good luck man.