Discouraged, but slightly hopeful.

[Rowlf]

Is it just me or do others find P to be very image specific?
Most of it is repelling or just boring but I find myself always looking for one of two specific things. One is connected to a very pleasent incident in my life, the other to a very unpleasent incident.
I find that odd. Sure, once you're in the pit you tend to look around but it's always the same two things that have the most powerful draw on me.

Hey CF,

I think that this is a very common experience with P. Maggie has mentioned Patrick Carnes. I've found his books extremely helpful in understanding my addiction.

One thing he talks about as being common to all addictive practice is an element of 'ritual behaviour' - doing the same setup that actually allows the pay-off at the end.

I think for many PA it's the search, the locked muscle posture and scanning so many images. During the search all of the outside world can be put on hold as we are mesmerised for hours. Until the end, when reality comes crashing back together with a zero energy state and a lesser self-image.

I saw a recent program on the BBC about internet dating. I recognised myself in the old days in the physical posture of some of those shown on camera surfing...

Reminds me why I want to stay sober!

[ReadytoQuit]

I've been reluctant to post here because I wanted to make both all of you and myself proud, lately i've been in a really deep depression that has been incredibly hard to deal with, I feel like I get no relief from anything. I read someone's post the other day about how people come on here temporarily saying they want to get better, only never to come back. Well, I'm still here, and I feel like I'm just taking baby steps at this moment, with the need to do anything being less and less. Today, I went and made an appointment with a counselor for next week, I'm curious what it will be like.

[maggie]

Glad you're back RTQ..

It's a process. You are in the very beginning of it all and although you feel that you're only taking baby steps and not getting very far.... you have already made a giant leap by getting started in recovery.

Give yourself credit for signing on here and beginning to fight for control over this.

You still sound quite depressed and it's good that you will be seeing a counselor.

There is a mountain of advice on how to fight depression, but it's hard to take even one step when you feel so low and so down.

The only thing I can say is the human mind is amazing. Even in the deepest despair, if you can drag yourself to do something, something that happy people just do without thinking, ( exercising, going for a run, blast uplifting music, buy some exotic food and cook something interesting and scary, rent a comedy with heart in it like " Uncle Buck " with John Candy ) often you will get a short break from the depression as your mind begins to take in something else.

Yes, if you have a clinical depression it will return, but take breaks from it by forcing... dragging... yourself outside to do something.

[maggie]

CF

It is amazing how the mind can hold onto images for years. I too can vividly visualize people from my childhoood and describe them in fine detail.

It's sad how the p industry has learned how to take advantage of this great ability of our minds to hold onto images for years.

There's some interesting research going on at Emory University and other institutions now on how the body releases oxytocin during s*x. The body releases oxytocin whether it is during an intimate relationship or when using p&m.

Oxytocin is chemical that promotes bonding. Normally it establishes bonding between the partners in a relationship, but in p& m, the release of oxytocin can promote bonding in a weird way to the s&xl images.

[maggie]

Again, thanks for your input CF,

I am not an arrogant or proud person, but I've been pretty self confident all of my adult life; so although this pa discovery shocked me, I knew it was not about me and realized that it was his problem.

That said, it sounds so simple, ' his problem ' not mine, but it's not. Since we have been a united couple for over 2 decades...this became my problem too.

He is sad, maybe even depressed. He is ashamed and sorry for complicating our life and the lives of our children for such a foolish indulgence.

You are right, the pressure of work, kids and marriage can become overwhelming at times. Men need to know this and plan for coping strategies in order to avoid addictive escapes and divorce.

Looks like we really do need Dr. Phil. He has this no nonsense... marriage is a work in process attitude!

[ryan.thomp41]

Hi RTQ,

Your deep words made me think about my own condition. I'm also addicted and I don't know how to start changing. Eyesterday night I was surfing on the web and I found a very good article that encouraged me to do something. If you want to read The Golden Future | Quit Porn Addiction . My favorite part is when it says "One must try to eliminate negativity and trust on positive, as you get more and more positive, your trust level and courage will increase, courage bring new opportunities to life, new wonders to life, and if you make courage as a habit, life will become golden".