Sxual behavior towards SO(help)

[StarPuppy]

I need some advice from both PA and SO(preferably couples). I will try to make this as clean as possible. Should the mods feel that this thread is violating the rules, please take it down ASAP and let me know lest i try to find my thread endlessly:)


I been P/MB free for a month now. Prior to that, I was MBing twice every week, 1 by myself and the other by begging my girl for MB. it was ok at first but she got pissed off because it was a weekly thing and she said that she didn't have huge Sxual urges compared to me and also mainly i was tired most of the time, sleeping and leaving her all alone.

Thus i stopped MB mainly because of my health(being tired all the time) and also i felt that viewing P was all along wrong..escaping from reality.

Now, I haven been MBing and watching P for a month now but the urges does not seem to have changed, I get aroused when i am cuddling with her or just by thinking of her but i do not voice it out or ask her for MB but instead i just teased her by talking dirty but it was all in jest and she was ok with it. but now i always have those urges (or fantasies?) to satisfy her Sxually(not S) altho she does not ask for it because mianly i felt that she was all along trying to feed my MB drive and it was time that i should repay in favor.

Now the problem lies that she is unhappy that

• I am always telling her that i have the urges now and then and it seems that my urges have not changed
• I seem to get aroused easily even without watching P and just being with her in a clean intimate manner

However i am unhappy because

• I am unable to rekindle the passion of intimacy of the intial stages of dating and thus unable to make her arouse which makes me "useless"
• I am unable to "repay the favor Sxually"

Hopefully the SO can gives me some input because maybe this is just a PA view

[Alika]

I know only little of your relationship with your girlfriend, but a few things and questions spring to mind.

Are there possibly any religious restrictions when it comes to intimacy prior to marriage that could have an impact on your girlfriend?

Has your girlfriend expressed that she wanted to be intimate to you, or has it been somewhat one sided so far?

I am a bit wary stepping too far into this due to not knowing what the situation really is about, and thus my input would only be based on assumption, not necessarily anything you could relate to your situation. Please feel free to PM me if you’re concerned whether content is too explicit for open posts.

- Alika

[hopefulwife]

It is hard not knowing much about the two of you and giving advice. You are getting rid of some negative sxual patterns and thet will make things a little difficult for a while. You could give up everything sxual for a while and when you come back to it it may have that passion of the new couple.
It sounds like sxualy your dance partner and you are doing two different dances. You need to get in to step. Have you talked to her about other things you two could do together to connect sxualy?

As far as you talking to her about the urges and getting arroused in her presance, I guess the grass is always greener... I would love it if my husband told me anything about whats going on in his brain and got arroused around me.

I think the best thing you could do is talk to her. For any type of relationship to work comunication is key. I hope things get better between the two of you.

[StarPuppy]

Thanks Alika and hopefulwife for the support. :)

Let me fill more info. we have not had any Sx before and we are not planning it until 1) we are financial stable 2) we are married should any "accidents happen"

We seen friends and distant relatives entering a shotgun marriage and don't wish to be a part of them

For the past 1 year +, its has slowly become one sided, We been together for 3 years and the first year was ok..quite Sxualy intimate but she found it annoying that i was more Sxually intimate compared to her.

I am unhappy because i am trying to change to be a normal SO who is no longer addicted to PA or MB and just want to enjoy only the Sxual intimacy of my SO, is that so much to ask for? :(

Her mood swings and fiery temper is back again..i could relate to the monthly periods but she says there aren't any signs of discharge, she doesn't want to talk about work and is all grumpy..its hard to talk to her about this

[Charly22]

this is a tough subject/question you are asking of others to comment on....very tough. Its almost as though noone should be giving you advice on how your sex life should be.

Women are emotional creatures.....thats all I got to say about that.

Is the only reason the two of you are not having intercourse is to prevent pregnancy?

[hopefulwife]

Could it be her mood swings are related to the reason you are here?

From my own piont of view, I have put my husband through alot of my mood swings due to how his habits made me feel. I also didnt want to talk about it because it was uncomfortable and hurt alot.

I agree that for the most part women are emotional creatures. Its also possable that something else is putting her under alot of stress. Typicaly when women are stressed they get moody.

If you are getting the brunt of the bad moods I think it is important that the two of you talk. That way it may resolve whatever is going on and even make you closer. Being a woman sometimes I am not ready to talk about it and sometimes I get wound up and it takes some time for me to find out what is realy bugging me.

Its so hard to know when to push or when to let her do her own thing or when to just let her know that when she is ready you are there. You are the one who is going to find the solution. You may get ideas here but the answer will come from how the two of solve problems and what works best for you two. Good luck>:D<

[2frustrated]

Two very important things that were in other replies:

1. Communicate

2. Explore your values

Communication:

Though it was not explicitly stated by you that there is a lack of open, heartfelt communication in the relationship, I suspect that that may be the case. Why has she lost the desire for intimacy? That is, why does she feel less connected to you? Conversely, why do you increasingly pursue MB as a source of intimacy, when it is clear that you are not that strongly connected with her in other areas (emotionally, psychologically)?

Values:

It's obvious you both take a very strong moral stand, as evidenced by your commendable sense of responsibility in bringing another human being into this world. But as Alika asked, what are your sexual values? Are you also refraining from sex because of a Judeo-Christian ethic? You need to make it clear to each other ALL of the reasons you both have for refraining from certain sexual practices.


<sorry, my browser wouldn't let me erase jibberish letters below>

Cddfds

[StarPuppy]

Thanks for everyone to reply, i will have to think on how to put more info with regards to this

Charly, i understand your views but i feel that i would like to see whats every SO stand on it, after all they say woman can understand each other

Does a over Sxual intimacy on your PA SO affect you and annoy you even tho he has stopped viewing P and MB?

something along that lines

[Charly22]

I have always felt like I am not as "sexual" as he is. Or let me put it this way...he is able to start with sex first....I want emotional gratification first before I can open up to being sexual.

I have also always concluded that his p habits have kept him way far ahead of me in that arena.

So, have I got annoyed at him for being too sexual...too frequent...asking and expecting too much? Yes.....

Is it different without the p habit? I think so.....he is more on my level with me.

But I have expressed to him my thoughts and opinions and what I would want....and he tries and succeeds in respecting those feelings from me.

I suggest you open this discussion with your girl when the time is right. Could be something totally unexpected bothering her.......you need to find out.....

[StarPuppy]

Thanks for the advice Charly, Shes my first girl and i am not a social person..rather loner so its quite hard to understand woman on a emotional level, by "emotional gratification", you mean someone who can understand you emotionally?

Its hard because i am a person who don't really like others flaring up but a civlised conversation on how to work things out instead of shouting but now i am face with a girlfriend of mine who at times deosn't even know how to explain her feelings in words but just says that its moody, Its not that i don't believe that something bothering her but i just do not understand that its impossible to explain your thoughts and feelings rather then i dunno whats going on...