Caught ...

[ATraversLesFlammes]

No, i did not fail that quick. But, when one tries to move on, the past always come back and explodes in one's face.
While, i'm trying to give up that addiction for real, it's been like 10 days already, and i really start experiencing diseases. I got caught ... about things that i watched weeks ago! Some url that was saved in the search engine. My Girlfriend saw that, she told me, she wasn't mad, but she was so , sad about that. I feel so disgusted about myself. I would like a girlfriend or wife of some PA to tell her own Story, cuz PA doesn't only hurt the addict, but people close to him, especially his partner.
Well, i'm very motivated to give it up altogether. I'm not looking at no Softcore, which was my habit, since i felt it wasn't "bad". Too, i'm ready to undertake strong measures when it'll be needed, such as cutting the internet off for a while, or even, even, going to a psychiatrist.

Anyway, this forum very much help me, as i feel im not alone, im not the only one, makes me want to fight very much. I hope i won't go down, as always happen, i'm adding days after days to my being clean.

Thanks all of you already, even tho im just starting

[HalfPint]

I haven't had a girlfriend but I did get cought by my parrents once. that was tough. I mainly didn't like it because of the terrably long talking to my dad gave me. My dad always preaches when he talks to me and goes in circles and drones on and on. That was enough to make me not want to do it again but I did. not so much until I built my own computer and had it in my room. Then my brother cough me and exposed me, that sucked. My mom questioned me if I was gay, which my bro and dad both claimed was out of step but my mom didn't thing so (my mom over reacts and thinks its justifiable).

I remember being mad at my brother for stuff for a long time, didn't talk to him. It effected more than just me, more than what I thought.

Did you sit down with your girlfriend and explain to her it was a while ago and that your on a support forum trying to get help to quit looking at porn, and did you tell her how long its been since you've looked? That may help the situation. Anyways, good job on being clean for this long already. I know its tough but hang in there. The rewards are great once you start gaining your strength back.

[ATraversLesFlammes]

That's all i have to say right now, hopping it's still the only thing i'll have to say for a very long time yet

[davids]

congrats on being clean for ten days!! I'm on 9 days and things ar goin pretty well for me. Posting here and reading other posts like your own have been a real help to me, I hope I have the will to keep this up. your right when you say how hurtful this addiction is to wives or girlfriends. I saw the pain in my wifes eyes, and the feeling that she was betrayed by the one she had faith in hurt me so bad. I really want to win that trust again.

[Stanley]

The very next thing I did after coming on here the first time was to go over the 'history' on my search engine and remove everything to do with porn.

That doesn't mean, of course, that the hard drive's clean - it just means that my wife can't catch me out for something I did weeks ago. I would say that the embarrassment and shame I feel even thinking of the possiblity of being caught should convince me that my porn and marsturbation habit isn't right and that I need to deal with it.

Right now I'm three weeks in and counting. It's not been easy the last few days - it's as if a lot of the rubbish that I've been storing up in my mind over the past years has been coming back up to the surface again. It's as well folks who know me can't see into my mind the way they might see into my surfing history....

[davids]

Thats the problem, I can try and stop the incoming thoughts, but my mind is like the hard drive. Those images I have watched and mbed to are now etched into my very being. This is the true damage. How can I ever purify my mind from these things that I have Let take over my flesh and blood?

The scary part is I know the time is coming when the trash is going to resurface for me too. I need to stay strong!

[Dominus]

you can't undo the past so there isnt much point in beating yourself up over what cannot be changed, we all of us have regrets, but the future is unwritten and we can shape it to what we wish it to be. Those images, if you never allow yourself to think about them will slowly fade away until they are in the furthest recesses of your mind. Something actually triggered a flood of feelings and thoughts to come over me this afternoon and ifound it hard, but I decided I wasnt going to undo all my hard work so I 'mentally changed the subject' so to speak and the thoughts soon passed.

[PaGuy724]

I have been in situations with online pornography and masterbation where I have almost gotten caught .
I have issues with homosexuality . It's a like a disease . I want so much too stop looking at gay sex on the internet . And, I know I can win the battle if I have a little faith in myself .
But, I guess I too be patient and I know better things will come my way if I begin the long road too staying sober from porn and masterbation ....