I had a dream last night

[blueray]

Last night, I saw myself on the verge of accessing a pornographic website when I was asleep. What drove myself towards doing that, in that dream, was the fact that some of those pornographic websites have new contents uploaded everyday, the most popular contents highlighted, and there are pornographic websites which display video content which are from 20 to 40 minutes in length. When it comes to sex, I have found that I enjoyed experimenting, and receiving different kinds of pleasures out of it. It is like, I want to know what is going to be the next new thing. Does this happen to anyone here?

Do you know how I was driven towards pornography? Here is how it was for me:

1. I enjoyed mildly sexual scenes on national televisoin.

2. I started to enjoy little extreme sexual scenes on movies, such as "Invader", "Ghost", "Perl Harbor", "Smallville", "Rain Man", "Loise & Clark", "That 70s show", "Terminator 2", english horror movies and some bollywood movies.

3. One day I got very disappointed and started searching about sex on the internet.

4. I started searching the altavista search engine for sex videos.

5. I started searching the altavista search engine for pornographic videos.

6. I found some sites which had a new full length movie each week.

7. I found a website which had streaming flash videos, some of them full length.

8. I found another website which displayed porn as streaming flash videos, some of them full length.

9. I found a website which had a lot of full length streaming flash videos, and had a new set of full length streaming videos highlighted everyday. This one doesn't have the "have to be 18 years" warning too.

I have the urge to access that last site today. But I stopped and wrote about it here instead. I was going to post the urls too. But I thought that that is not healthy for the forum.

[blueray]

What did porn do to me?

1. Really depreciated my eye sight very badly.

2. Changed my behavioural pattern, and gave me a hash voice.

3. Made me depressed very often.

4. Gives me really bad headaches.

5. Scares me to death because I disobeyed god.

6. Some of my family members and some of their friends know that I access porn, and I lost my reputation for that.

7. Effected my partner too to some extent. But she knows that I used to access porn. But she doesn't know that I accessed them recently. She says that if I access porn again, she will end the relationship.

[hintongirl23]

I joined today. My husband has a pron addiction which has escalated to him exchanging numbers with somone. I caught him in November. We talked through it. He has admitted that he has a serious compulsion and that it is getting worse. We worked through a plan, go to therapy and no more lying. He was doing well (I think) for six weeks or so and yesterday I found out the truth. He has been totally lying. And is back and doing worse then what he was doing before, so it is escalating further. I just wish he would have told me the truth. So I could have supported him. So I could have helped him through it. But he has been lying to his therapist as well. So, I really hope he does want to get help. But my advice is to be honest with yourself and be honest with your partner. Benefit of the doubt.

[HalfPint]

I'm not in a relationship, in fact I've never had a girlfriend (been saving that for after college). but I do know this. There are several key things that there need to be for a relationship to exist, and one of those key things is honesty. Without Honesty there is no relationship, just lies. I may not be in your possision or really in a good enough one to give you the best advice, but I just wanted to say that I agree with hintongirl23. Not telling your partner is only going to hurt you and them WHEN they find out the truth, and trust me, the truth always shines through, no matter how much you try to throw on top of it.

Keep going man, thats all I really can say. God loves you, God forgives as long as you truly want to be forgiven and are truly sorry for what you did. If your partner has the same unconditional love that God shows us everyday, the unconditional love that we should have for our families and loved ones, then she will forgive you. You need to sit down with her, look her in the eyes, let her know that you truly love her, and would do anything for her, while still looking her in the eyes apologize for your mistake. After apologizing tell her what you did and then maybe apologize again. ;) Bringing in flowers in the very beginning never hurts either. I'll be prayin for yah man, just hang in there, things get better once you give it up. Things WILL in deed get better, no matter how bad they may seem to get.

[pornhater]

Porn does seem to have an issue with depression alright.

Tend to get depressed while using porn. Mood improves after just a few days of porn free existence.

[Azzdak]

Bluray - Thanks for your insights. The daily updated sites are a killer! Part of my relapse into those sites is because of my attitude that 'there will be something new there this time. Something I haven't seen - the ultimate picture/video" and I can rationalise it within myself that I have to check it out.

I too got into P because of titilating scenes in movies - especially the old 80's T & A flicks. I sometimes get into ones where I search and search for those kind of scenes and watch them endlessly. And you know what I've found - out of context they're not that arousing.

It's better to 'accidentally' discover these scenes than to actively hunt them out. It's ok to be aroused by movies and television. It's a healthy thing, I think. I personally miss being turned on by things like that - I think my PA has effected that. Part of the thrill of these scenes is that when they pop up in the movie they are unexpected and exciting - hunting them out ruins that part of the excitement.

Anyways...I've jumped on a Tangent. Keep on fighting the good fight. You've got a good relationship - that's worth fighting for!

[munkman12]

Hi everyone. Im munkman and i haven't been active in a while. I'm 13 years old and I'm trying to stop my pa. Im probably the youngest here. Blueray iv done everything youve done. on that list. I started getting hooked onto porn when i was in 5th gRADE. really young i know. Ive tried to stop, but i always seem to go back to those evil websites. Ever since my family has gone to church the porn has lessened, but still happens. All i can say is keep on trying.

[livada]

Oh my...

13?\:D/

Welcome here my friend.

You have no idea how lucky you are for coming to realize destructiveness of p habit that early!

Pfffftt....if I had such an attitude when I was 13...

Anyway, congrats for coming here and make yourself feel like home. We're one big family, after all.:D

[Bird-boy]

Man, I wonder how things would have been if I started coming here--or came across this website--before my curiosity turned into PA. That was when I was in 6th grade (about 11 years old); but maybe this website didn't exist back then (I am now going on 17 years old, now). And maybe I wouldn't have had as much insight--being young and all. Maybe it takes (winning) a huge struggle to change someone for the better--make them prepared to face other tradgedies in the future with experience..

oops straying from the point a little bit.

This thread started in 2008? And I'm the first person to post since this January?

Hmm, well good luck to everyone who posted!

I agree with HalfPint: I've never been in any relationship either, but know those are the best things to do.

I'm goint to see if Munkman and blueray have journals and current posts, now. :)

[dave42]

Birdboy: You are so wise to try to get over this addiction when you are young. Think of all the clean years ahead of you! I'm 44, and I've been looking at this stuff since I was a teenager. I've had only 8 or 9 months of being clean, (and now 2 weeks! Yay!), plus a few other periods of several months. You are so intelligent to try to overcome your addiction now.

Yes, I agree with you and Halfpint: relationships are the most satisfying way to "be." Thanks for that beautiful thought! Good luck!!