I had a dream last night

[blueray]

Last night, I saw myself on the verge of accessing a pornographic website when I was asleep. What drove myself towards doing that, in that dream, was the fact that some of those pornographic websites have new contents uploaded everyday, the most popular contents highlighted, and there are pornographic websites which display video content which are from 20 to 40 minutes in length. When it comes to sex, I have found that I enjoyed experimenting, and receiving different kinds of pleasures out of it. It is like, I want to know what is going to be the next new thing. Does this happen to anyone here?

Do you know how I was driven towards pornography? Here is how it was for me:

1. I enjoyed mildly sexual scenes on national televisoin.

2. I started to enjoy little extreme sexual scenes on movies, such as "Invader", "Ghost", "Perl Harbor", "Smallville", "Rain Man", "Loise & Clark", "That 70s show", "Terminator 2", english horror movies and some bollywood movies.

3. One day I got very disappointed and started searching about sex on the internet.

4. I started searching the altavista search engine for sex videos.

5. I started searching the altavista search engine for pornographic videos.

6. I found some sites which had a new full length movie each week.

7. I found a website which had streaming flash videos, some of them full length.

8. I found another website which displayed porn as streaming flash videos, some of them full length.

9. I found a website which had a lot of full length streaming flash videos, and had a new set of full length streaming videos highlighted everyday. This one doesn't have the "have to be 18 years" warning too.

I have the urge to access that last site today. But I stopped and wrote about it here instead. I was going to post the urls too. But I thought that that is not healthy for the forum.

[blueray]

What did porn do to me?

1. Really depreciated my eye sight very badly.

2. Changed my behavioural pattern, and gave me a hash voice.

3. Made me depressed very often.

4. Gives me really bad headaches.

5. Scares me to death because I disobeyed god.

6. Some of my family members and some of their friends know that I access porn, and I lost my reputation for that.

7. Effected my partner too to some extent. But she knows that I used to access porn. But she doesn't know that I accessed them recently. She says that if I access porn again, she will end the relationship.

[hintongirl23]

I joined today. My husband has a pron addiction which has escalated to him exchanging numbers with somone. I caught him in November. We talked through it. He has admitted that he has a serious compulsion and that it is getting worse. We worked through a plan, go to therapy and no more lying. He was doing well (I think) for six weeks or so and yesterday I found out the truth. He has been totally lying. And is back and doing worse then what he was doing before, so it is escalating further. I just wish he would have told me the truth. So I could have supported him. So I could have helped him through it. But he has been lying to his therapist as well. So, I really hope he does want to get help. But my advice is to be honest with yourself and be honest with your partner. Benefit of the doubt.

[HalfPint]

I'm not in a relationship, in fact I've never had a girlfriend (been saving that for after college). but I do know this. There are several key things that there need to be for a relationship to exist, and one of those key things is honesty. Without Honesty there is no relationship, just lies. I may not be in your possision or really in a good enough one to give you the best advice, but I just wanted to say that I agree with hintongirl23. Not telling your partner is only going to hurt you and them WHEN they find out the truth, and trust me, the truth always shines through, no matter how much you try to throw on top of it.

Keep going man, thats all I really can say. God loves you, God forgives as long as you truly want to be forgiven and are truly sorry for what you did. If your partner has the same unconditional love that God shows us everyday, the unconditional love that we should have for our families and loved ones, then she will forgive you. You need to sit down with her, look her in the eyes, let her know that you truly love her, and would do anything for her, while still looking her in the eyes apologize for your mistake. After apologizing tell her what you did and then maybe apologize again. Bringing in flowers in the very beginning never hurts either. I'll be prayin for yah man, just hang in there, things get better once you give it up. Things WILL in deed get better, no matter how bad they may seem to get.