Struggling

[dkmor]

I have been up and down over the past few years. Mostly up. But the past 2-3 weeks have started down again. I don't know why I sometimes choose to live this way. There doesn't seem to be anything good about it. I am always left feeling empty, disappointed, unhappy, ashamed, depressed, awkward, uncomfortable around my wife, etc.

Still, I feel that I'm lacking the motivation to make a total commitment to abstain. Yet I don't know why. Sometimes I just wonder what is wrong with me. Yet, I'm not here for pity.

I just know that I'm in a position where although damage has been done, it can be curved so that even worse damage does not need to be done. I need my thoughts, desired and heart changed...

I'll probably be back soon to write more.

[FoolishMind]

Hey dkmor,

Youve heard the saying that life can be like a rollercoaster, full of ups and downs, points of elation, and points of "why am i doing this". Dont focus on empty and down feelings, focus further ahead. You already acknowledge that damage has been done, so while its easier said than done, you need to channel your mind into positive thinking. Its that positive mentality that really does become the catalyst that is the difference between making and breaking.

There were many a times where I just hated myself for thinking the way I did, questioning myself why am i like this, but all this questions will remain unanswered, so I stopped asking questions, and just focussed on a what I can change, and what I can control. The things I could not control directly, I put barriers or used tools to change my environment to keep temptation at bay.

Focus and preperation my friend. Prepare for the downers, be proactive and not reactive.

All the best
FM

[Daniel]

dkmor,

Huge honesty points to you for stating plainly what all PAs experience at some level.

And a brilliant piece of advice FM.

The past cannot be changed and the future is yours dkmor.

Daniel