Anyone who is not against masturbation?

[Sonomette]

Maybe this is an off-the-wall sort of suggestion here.

What about MB WITH one's SO? There is a lot to be said for MB as a learning tool... how someone likes to be touched, for example, that could bring about new intimacy between a couple.

If she (I say she only for ease of reading. Most SO's on here are female) doesn't want to engage in full blown S activity, would it be terribly harmful for him to bring it out into the open and engage in MB in a loving,intimate way with her?

I know this suggestion isn't for everyone, but it has the potential to turn something secret and repulsive (when coupled with P) into a couples-activity that both parties can learn from, be honest about, and perhaps even enjoy.

I dunno... just a thought.

[escapeartist77]

For me, I think MB by itself actually has helped to reduce the effects of P in my life, not the opposite as some have suggested on here. So I fully support the idea of regular MB sessions, and here is why:

1. Time consumption: Using my mind, instead of the computer, to MB uses significantly less time, because for me, I am addicted to the searching qualities of P. We are talking about 15 minutes vs. 3 hours!!! This reduces the amount of time that the mind is marinating in pornographic images, and gives us a chance to engage in healthier activities with all this freed up time.

2. Mental battles: When one commits to an overly strict "no P or MB!!" mentality, the mind will rebel and will treat this restriction as an enemy. A lot of angst can be prevented if you know that MB is allowed, because when sexual urges arise, they can be handled (sorry about the puns) immediately without all the inner fighting. This inner mental fighting, in my opinion, is a big part of the addiction itself. Just knowing that it is permissible to MB takes away much of the inner chatter that tempts us to P.

3. Pleasure without guilt: Related to #1 and #2 above, for me, I can end a quick MB session without the mental nagging that immediately follows a 2 hour P session. "I can't believe you are STILL doing this! You wasted another 3 hours of your life! What a loser!" Those negative mental jabs, which deplete my self-esteem and almost guarantee a return to P the next night, are not an issue when I just MB.

Anyway, just my thoughts. Thanks for this thread, as it is a very important topic.

[everlight]

I agree that P and masturbation are not the same thing. Masturbation can be a very healthy sexual activity. It shouldn't be used to isolate yourself from an SO, but otherwise I see no problem with it. P and masturbation shouldn't be necessarily linked.

Not only can masturbation help both partners learn about each other, it seems unrealistic to me that someone with a normal or high sex drive should take celibacy vows as some here suggest. There is nothing wrong with masturbation. The problem is when you pollute your mind with p.

Frankly masturbation is really the only way most of us without committed partners willl be able to stay of p. Most people have sex drives and I see no problem using them in a healthy way.

[Benedict]

Agree with last few posts. For me, its the obsessive-compulsive nature of PA that is the problem, and manifesting as an hour or two or three compulsively searching for images or video, rather than a form of sexual release.

Sonomette, one of my strategies has been to ask SO to MB me or to MB with her, and use her as the visual stimulus. Has reduced amt of solo MB, led to more openess and intimacy, and overall been very positive. Can recommend it.

[fedupwithit]

For me, I think and hope MB and P are very different but I can appreciate that this might not be the case for many people. I'm new to this site, 2 days sober, and my goal is to completely stop looking at P. However, one thing I do not want is for straight up P-Free MB to replace my old (or current you might say) addiction. So far, when I am tempted to look at P, I just read or go for a walk or go on these forums, I don't MB.

[gideon]

Agree with the MB can be fine approach, if it's kept reasonable. And if it's repressed,as another poster pointed out, wet dreams pop in and then what? After Mb I fell a little sheepish, but no nearly as shitty as burning my eyes out with P. That being said I'm trying to stay off it for as long as I can to break the chemical dependencies.

Now here's a question: I know some women who read lust novels and engage in MB daily. They feel absolutely no guilt or complex about it. Is the fact guys physically expel semen that messes up our minds? Kind of puts a spin on the whole idea that sex is "easier" for men.

[mell]

MB and P are different, but related.

For Me, MB is a means of escape and therefore unhealthy. It takes me away from my wife and family, and further helps to isolate me 'in my own world' so to speak.

Therefore, I consider MB as harmful as sitting in front of the computer viewing P foa hours on end.

[yorkie_owner_85]

I think it's healthy and normal. I don't like all the negative messages society gives us about MB that it is wrong and we should be ashamed if we do it.

[Sonomette]

ANYTHING, and I do mean anything, that leads to isolation... or to putting one's own wants before the needs of their significant other, is harmful.

I've had friends who dreaded the start of football season, simply because it meant that until the big game at the end of the season, they would be a much lower priority than images on a screen of people the rabid football fan has never met and has no emotional connection with or duty to. Anniversaries forgotten, but rushing yards remembered? Yeah, that's a big slap in the face.

PA is more hurtful than football addiction (I personally have never compared my body to that of a 300 lb linebacker and felt less feminine because of it, nor known anyone who has....) but the isolation is still there.

If it can be done without the viewing of P, without isolating one's partner or making that partner feel bad about him or herself, then I don't think MB is a bad thing at all. It's all about being reasonable, having a decent idea of what the priorities in your life are, and not hurting anyone else.

I have a question, for you guys-- one that's actually kind of confused me for a long time. Must one have images to think about while engaging in MB, or can one MB without the images?

[Life-lies-trust]

For my PA/SA the problem was that he would have an eager loving wife who wanted S@X and he would rather use his energies with MB that to even come close to me. This is the area where most SO's have a problem with MB. In fact my H has admitted to only having one wet dream in his entire life of over 50 years because of excessive MB. So for some people MB is not health outlet but an evasion from connecting with their SO.