Why????

[smokey]

I was doing so good for three weeks never had a an urge to look at P. Then this morning it hit me hard so i looked at it on my phone. i went to one site and got so disgusted with myself i deleted the history of it and battled with myself about telling my SO. Right then no more then a few minutes she asked to look at my phone and she found what i looked at and it has torn us again. I hate doing this to her i hate myself for having this problem. Why did this happen to us???

[Crisodian]

smokey,

Let me give you some advice from the SO view:
If you relapse, tell. Don't hide it. The more you hide things the more we as SOs lose trust in our spouses. That's such a big part of this addiction. The damage done to the trust in a relationship. Honesty is key. And actions speak louder than words.

Some advice as a recovering addict (non-P):
Plan, plan, and then when you think you have enough plans in place to help you, plan some more. The more plans you have in place for yourself when the urges hit, the more success you will find in beating them. If it's your phone that's causing the problem, shut it off for 10 minutes to let the urge pass. What's the worst that can happen when the phone is off? A call goes to voicemail. It's not the end of the world.

Walk away. Do some excercise. Play a game. Count backwards from 1,000. Whatever works for you.

Questioning why is actually good. You need to get to the root of what set off the urge. What caused it and how to beat it next time.

Addiction is hard to beat. There's no sugar coating it for anyone.

You can do this but, as I have said to others, it is a life change. Change your habbits. Change your behaviors.

You wife will be very hurt you lied again. You now need to ensure your actions speak louder than anything you say.

Find a path to peace,
~C~

[lightseeker]

Hey Smokey,

You know slips are inevitable for most addicts, it happens, i know you will beat yourself up for it and put even more preasure on yourself for letting your SO down, the good thing is that you did stop yourself and because your feeling bad about it shows that you are not taking it for granted and are still determined to beat this.

Take heed of what C says, and take heed to what your SO has posted, she wants you to be honest and you need to earn her trust again. You know a good technique would be to try and put yourself in her shoes, if she had confessed something she had been hiding from you for many years, how would you feel?

Well done on the abstinence so far and like C said, learn from each incident or relapse and understand what led to it then try to plan for the next time!

[smokey]

Thank you both for your support and your words they have and will continue to help

[chewy]

Smokey, I'm beginning to think you and I are twins based on your posts!! We seem to have a lot in common as somthing very similar happend to me only it involved me emailing someone who I hadn't emailed in FOREVER...just that once and she checked. As addicts, we will struggle with this for the rest of our lives, and we will fall if we're not too careful. What you did happens to all of us at one pont or another, it's how we deal with it that makes us different. PLEASE don't beat yourself up and hate yourself over what happened. We are all here to help you and thank you for your honesty.