Starting today...

[givingupforgood]

I found this forum having wasted most of the afternoon looking at p, and I've realised that enough is enough.

I've been using p on and off for over 10 years but in the last few years it has become an addiction. For me, use of p is definitely linked to the state of my sex life, as I guess it is for others too. With a previous girlfriend, with whom I had a great sex life, I never felt the urge to look at porn. But my current girlfriend and I have been having problems, we haven't slept together for months now, and that's making it really difficult to resist the temptation. I did give up for a while, but relapsed.

Funnily enough, I talked to my gf about using p and she brushed it off, saying that everyone does it and not to worry. I guess it's her way of dealing with the guilt about the lack of sex in our relationship.

But she doesn't know how long I spend looking at it, or the type of p I'm looking at. Boredom with 'normal' p led me on to weirder stuff (nothing illegal, but still). Part of it I think is the thrill of something which is a bit naughty or taboo rather than the actual stuff itself.

But I'm determined to give up. I don't want to waste any more hours in a zombie-like state, and I don't want see sex as something cheap and dirty.

What makes it really difficult is that I work from home most days, on my own, with my computer on. I know I could set up filters etc. but I also know that I could easily disable/ uninstall if I wanted. I really need a psychological filter, I think - that's what I want to work on.

Anyway, I thought sharing this might help me. One thing I was thinking of doing was writing a 'goodbye letter' to p. I read about this in a memoir of a drug addict who wrote a similar letter to drugs. Has anyone else tried this?

[lightseeker]

Hey buddy, welcome to the site>:D<
Your not alone, much support to be found here so feel free to express whats on your mind.

Boredom with 'normal' p led me on to weirder stuff (nothing illegal, but still). Part of it I think is the thrill of something which is a bit naughty or taboo rather than the actual stuff itself.

This is something i think many of us go through, you get bored because your brain gets used to the same stuff all the time, then you start pushing boundaries to get your next fix, then the more extreme stuff starts becoming more normal. I think its this point we start becoming more concerned and aware that we are loosing control and need help.

What i have read which is a very beneficial point is that the reason we turn to porn so much is because it is a sexual high without any issues surrounding it- you dont need to worry about rejection, what your partner needs or having to wait few weeks for sex, porn is a quick fix, any time you want and with any fantasy you want, however it is a selfish, destructive and dangerous downward path that if we dont start taking control of, it will start to ruin our lives and our personal well being.

Have you spoken openly to your girl about your needs?

Well done for making the step to come here, i hope this site will benefit you in your forthcoming battle.

Avoid alone time with your computer, re-think about a filter but give your password to someone else, and start learning more about porn addiction and the tools to aid you in recovery!

[givingupforgood]

Thanks mate. Definitely agree about porn being an issue-free sexual high. Sometimes I've even used it in an almost pragmatic way - i.e. 'I know I'm not going to get any sex so I may as well relieve myself now, that way I won't have to face the rejection later'... There are times when I've felt like I'm in control of my use in that I can stop when I like, but then other times I'm dragged under and I spend hours looking at it, knowing I should stop but not being able to. And that's why I know it's a problem. I guess it's also a way of avoiding the issue with my girlfriend. I told her last night that I was giving up porn and we talked about trying to revive our sex life. So I guess that's progress!

[newstartforher]

That's a great step :) Personally, I'm still gearing up to telling my girlfriend. Things are really hard with us for other reasons, and I don't want it to upset her more. I've sort of alluded to my problem in the past, though she reacted in pretty much the same way. It became a bit of a feature in our play for a little while, which was when I suddenly realised that it's nothing but a caricature of real, loving sex - it was embarassing, more than anything else.

Congratulations for being brave enough to tell her, and best of luck with giving up. There are many people who are far better-qualified to offer advice, so I won't say anything except take it day by day, never ever give in, and find ways around the urges.

Ben

[givingupforgood]

Thanks Ben. Sorry that things are difficult in your relationship, I know how that feels if it's any consolation - although I'm sure the issues are different, of course.

It did feel really good to tell her that I was giving up, and she was encouraging. And I've realised that using p was an escape from the problems in our sex life, which means that now we're going to have to face up to them. A bit scary, but I feel positive that something is changing. The worst thing is being stuck in the same place!

[newstartforher]

Very true - we have to face our problems head on.