sadness from a SO

[SoinLove]

I tried just deleating this, but I can't figure out how to, so I'm just saying sorry I posted it. I was wrong, and I hope I didn't offend too many people...

[jerseygirl]

SoinLove ...

Just a heads up, that you don't need to repost your posts in various forums. Most members do read through all the new threads, whether they decide to reply or not.

Secondly, I find the opener on your thread above offensive. As an SO here on this forum, it is not up to us to rub an addict's face in it. All the addicts are here because they are struggling, whether on their own or within a relationship.

I know you are hurt and want to lash out, but this might not be the best place to do that. The addicts here are trying their best and we try to be supportive.

In turn, I hope that I'm not overstepping my boundaries by posting this. I just found the "so enjoy" a bit of a stab and over the top. The SO/Partner forum is the perfect place to get all those feelings out. Believe me, we all understand what you're going through and how you're feeling.

~jerseygirl~

[SoinLove]

jersygirl.... I'm not trying to lash out. I guess I just feel like they sometimes don't think about the pain they are causing thier loved ones. I will take it off though, you are right. I was wrong to post it here. I'm just so tired of the selfishness. My bf obviously didn't really try to not do it, and if he was really sorry, I wouldn't have had to catch him, he would have felt so bad, he would have come to me with it. I asked him so many time if he was looking at it or not, and he swore to me he wasn't. I'm so depressed right now... I don't know how to handle this. Sorry again though...

[johndonato]

Im a P/Sa and im not offended what did you say here that was offensive
Be honest if you overstep boundaries the admin will step in...

Ours is not to judge you...

Jersey girl thanks for watching out for us but we all have a tough skin and lets not candy coat this issue...

We hurt alot of people and its good to read how bad sometimes I think its part of the recovery.....

I have been able to see how bad I hurt my wife by reading other SO accounts in unedited language.....

Thanks all for being honest.... If there was something offensive or rubbing my face in it I failed to see it......

Peace to all

J.D.

[SoinLove]

Once again... Thank you so much! You have been such a huge source of encouragement for me! It would really be awesome if you looked up my bf's thread's and helped him along....

[terawave]

Hello SoinLove,

You were only speaking from your heart, you felt the grief of finding the truth about your boyfriends addiction. We have all been there. I agree with johndonato, we can not candy coat this issue. It tears apart families, relationships and careers etc.. When we read the PA's accounts of their struggles, it helps us understand a little better what goes through their mind; just like when they read ours (the SO's), it gives them a better understanding of the destruction P causes on the ones they love. Recovery is not easy, this is something we all have in common, some are just stating, some are further along. However we are all here to help each other and learn:)

[johndonato]

tera thanks for backing me up, just want Soin to not feel discouraged with ttf we need to help her however we can.
Soin what's your BF journal name I will help for sure........JD

[RisingSon]

We hurt alot of people and its good to read how bad sometimes I think its part of the recovery.....

I disagree.

In my opinion, guilt is extremely detrimental to recovery and is probably a trigger for most addicts. People intentionally adding to that guilt is the polar opposite of "helpful" or "positive".

Refraining from rubbing addicts faces in it is not really "candy coating the issue" - it's just showing basic respect. We know perfectly well the damage we've done to ourselves and to the people we care about. If you honestly believe that people adding to that guilt with bitter phrases like "so enjoy!" will make things easier for anyone, then I'm lost for words.

SoinLove, I completely empathize with your feelings of frustration and anger and I thank you for removing the original post.