Why?

[Matt4:17]

I'm back! That could only mean one thing, right? How many times do I need to? As many as it takes? I've no support system in place! No one to talk to in person about this! I feel as if my life is going down the drain! I'm angry at myself! How could this happen? It creeps up on you! What seems harmless, has become a poison!!!

I too have relapses about every coupld of days. I've tried not counting, but just the thought of it can trigger! I've learned that I use it as a coping mechanism. Something to help take away the pain of depression, I guess! This is not me!!!! This is not the life I want!!! Wasting away! Giving myself to P!!! NO!!!

So, I'm back! Let's see where this goes!!! It's about management! Even those who don't look at P still have this disease, but don't know it! Everyone is capable of developing addictions, just they choose not to! I've acted out on it, to many times, and look where I'm at now!!!

I would love to say, "NO MORE!" But, I'm lacking the will power!!!!!

It's got to be management! When the thoughts begin, I need action, but fall right back into temptation!!!

Thank You!

[Little lock]

I feel your frustration. Its been on-and-off for the past few weeks for me as well. Do we lack willpower? I'm not sure about that, and just how important will is in fighting an addiction.

Matt, we can do this together:) Just keep trying.

[Matt4:17]

Little Lock,

Thank you for the reply. It's not easy, because for so long have I resorted to other means of dealing with natural behavior. Expressing it in a way that seems all to wrong. Wasting time and energy. It all comes full circle. One thing leads to another, and then back to the beginning.

What's tough too now, is that I've a new computer, and when I'm here, it's like this voice saying, " Go on, just a couple of minutes!!!" Looking won't hurt! WRONG!!! I need to understand that it does in the long run. Maybe in the short it puts the fire out, but the burns are still there!

We need God in this fight. We already have all the tools to fight, but remember we're our own worst enemy. Our enemy knows our weaknesses, and knows how to manipulate our thoughts to get what it wants. God, in whatever form or manner you wish to believe in, can and does help. Some don't know God, but feel there is nothing of a sort. I say, well stop looking at what everyone else is doing, and begin to see God in your own eyes. Find your own religious experience, and go from there.

I'm making it a point to come here almost every time I log on the internet and read a few post. Remind myself why I'm here, and what I can do about it!!

Thank you all!

[yorkie_owner_85]

As long as you have a support system, you should be fine. I used to use tweezers as a form of self-injury and have stopped for aboput 27 months now thanks to the support of my guardian, Mary. Because of her I know I can also fight my PA.

[Tattooedup32]

The only thing I can recomend is to get on here and start blogging your feelings every time you feel the urge to look at PM. Why not just log on every day and talk about your success. EVERY DAY. That way you are focusing on the positive.
Good Luck and God Bless