Looking for new ways to rekindle my marriage...

[rugby15]

All,
Three months ago my world came crashing down. I confessed to my wife about my PA and cheating on her by acting out sick things on a prostitute. Since then I have been openly honest with my wife. It is going to be a long road towards healing, but I have made it my mission to make this marriage work. I am looking for new ways to rekindle my marriage. Anyone have any ideas, websites that you have used? Please anything will help. Thanks to all and stay strong and fight PA.

[Lorettababygirl]

It depends on how comfortable your wife is with certain things right now, but I can suggest a few things, being a woman myself. First and foremost, the biggest thing you can do for her is to keep going on the road to recovery. Keep at it, brotha. Second, PA can make a woman partner feel unattractive (not trying to make anyone feel guilty, sorry if I did), so try to make her feel pretty and loved. Hug her just because. Give her a pat on the butt while she's cooking or when you walk by her in the house (if she isn't the type to see it as objectifying). Hold her hand in public places. Things like that. There is also the old "rose petals leading to the bedroom" thing that people seem to like, but I don't know how intimacy is working with you guys right now. All in all, bottom line is the same: focus on her a bit more. Good luck! I'll add more later if I think of more.

[Charly22]

I'm betting that she is craving your attention and affection, and does not want to feel like the end result is sex. That will come on its own once she feels emotionally connected with you. I bet she just wants to know that you want to be with her without sexual undertones, that would make her feel special, if she knew that there was no sex involved and yet you still crave her presence.

[Newman]

You might try buying the book "The Love Dare." Its cheap, only $10 bucks where I live. It is written from a Christian perspective but I think it is beneficial aside from that. For forty days, it challenges you to perform very specific and relatively insignificant acts of kindness for your spouse. For those of us whose ability to express love has been warped by long term porn use, it is a pretty good guide to expressing love in a non-sexual, non-threatening way. Good luck.

[FoolishMind]

Hi Rugby15, I think Loretta says it best in the sense primarily yo should just keep on going as you are. Youve been brutally honest and youve made it clear you are changing. However, trust is something that takes aaaages to be built up, an seconds to break. Ive been P free for over a year now, and my wife still will not trust me, and nor do I expect it.

I remember in the early months of trying to bring life back to normality was hard, she would want to be affectionate but at the same time she would want to back off, because she didnt want to feel she was a push over and make me feel everything was alright. I hurt her immenseley so much that she wanted to leave me. Unfortunatley it goes back to the age old saying that time is the best healer.

It will take time, just take comfort in the knowledge that youve changed, and she will see that, and love you for that.

Wish you the best

FM

[Daniel]

rugby15,

I would like to build this nice string of advice up a tiny bit more, and it really re-states FM's point on rebuilding trust:

There is no silver bullet.

If there was I'd sure be using it right now as I find myself on the short end of the stick.

Time, consistency, honesty, discipline -the basics.

I would study your wife's clues and ques for ideas that would fit her in the way of the "little things" to brighten her day..

-Lunch dates for no reason that to just be together
-Flowers because you felt it was the right thing to do
-Phone calls just to hear her voice and talk to her (imagine you are the boyfriend and she is the girlfriend you can't wait to talk to)

There's myriad other things you can do to lighten her load at home because you are sincerely trying to demonstrate change, demonstrate care, demonstrate love.

You'll get there. But it will take time.

Daniel

[FoolishMind]

Daniel youve hit the nail on the head so to speak, As you begin to control your PA, its that time you start to realise that your partner truly is wonderful, and you find a new attraction. That is where you wish it would just all be normal again. But of course she will have many horrible memories. I say embrace it, Its another chance to 'Woo' her all over again. That can be fun! enjoy it, dont be saddened by it. Its all about the perspective you choose to look at it.

FM