First Post

Pheadrus · 10:25 AM

Thankyou to the compassionate genius(es) who made this website a reality. I'm a porn addict, and determined to do something about it. I know that it won't be easy, but if I don't then i feel that much of my time, sexual and emotional energy will be wasted. It's been 10 years approximately, and I shudder to think of the hours, days, weeks that i've wasted glued to the computer viewing porn. The longest relationship i've had was 5 years. It ended, I realize now, due to my porn addiction. I used to wait until my gf went to bed, pretending that I was downloading music. When I knew she was asleep, I would surf porn sites until the early hours of the morning. Whenever she left the house, evenfor a short time, would jump on and surf porn sites. I developed a preference for porn as my usual sexual outlet, rather than my girlfriend. Eventually she left me after trying to make me understand that the my porn addiction was destroying our relationship. I refused to listen because I needed the porn more than I needed her. She gathered that I loved porn more than I loved her. I'm single now, and 40. I'm determined to stay porn free for the sake of my future relationships. I'm a smart guy, yet I really didn't understand until now, just how destructive porn is. I'm going to check in to this site every now and again until I'm pron free. I kicked smoking over ten years ago, so I can kick porn too.

FoolishMind · 01-15-2008, 10:49 AM

Hi Pheadrus and welcome to the site. I can personally relate to a lot you have written in your post, and im sure a number of other members and guests will too. In the last few weeks, it has been quite shocking how many people have stumbled upon this site, and all have gone for years not thinking this was a problem as the PA eats and damages virtually everything good you have going in your life.

I am echoing what I say to most, and most will agree, taking the first step by acknowledging your problem is the biggest step you can make.

If you havent already, please take a moment to read through the advice for newbies thread posted by light (linked below)

Advice for Newbies...

This is a great place to start, and I wish you the best in the start of your challenging journey. Make sure you start a journal, so we can all offer our support and learn from strategies you have discovered to counter your temptations or times of weakness.

Light · 01-15-2008, 06:10 PM

Pheadrus, nice to meet you. Porn has affected my relationships in similar ways, and I can see where it would take me if I continued on the wrong path. I have to get my act together or else I could run the risk of losing it all.

There's only so much sneaking around you can do in a relationship before you get caught. I was thinking about all the ways I could be tempted to look at porn:

1) My girlfriend doesn't feel like being intimate, or she's not around, so I'll just look this once to satisfy myself. I would look at porn (like you) any opportunity I got, while she's in the shower, even while she's sleeping in the same room! That's horrible and I am ashamed of it.

2) I'm bored and nobody is around, it won't hurt anything.

3) There is no such thing as porn addiction, I'm a highly sexed male individual who has a right to be satisfied whenever and wherever I want. This is the argument that gets me most, because it is "the popular" opinion.

There are a lot more than that of course, but those hit me all the time. But what I realize (and continue to realize through this site and reading other's stories) is that it is this "little bit" that starts us on the path to where we all are now. I think it's easy to forget that porn quickly destroys intimacy in a relationship. You may just use it now and then, but sooner or later, it becomes much easier to use porn than to have to deal with a real human being. On another level, your partner will never be able to compete with the images you are uploading into your brain, and I do think that no matter how attractive, porn dulls the beauty of your partner in your mind. If you have "spent" all your sexual energy looking at porn, then you won't have any left for your partner. Too bad for them, too bad for you, and too bad for the relationship.

Sorry I hijacked your introduction post Pheadrus, I just realized I ramble on for paragraphs.

I wish you well and I'm glad you are here with us!

Keep us posted.