its been a very long time hi everyone!!

[iblivin4givinru]

Hey everyone, well i know that it has been a long, long, very long time since i have been on here, but as much as i try i continue to fall into the porn addiction. i have relized that not only do i look and or masterbate to porn because of hormones, i look at it because im bored and have nothing else to do. Even as much as i try and as much as i have learned in the entire time i have been going to church, seeking advice, and falling back into temptation, i constantly fall and feel guilty about what i do. I know that many of you are here to give advice because many of you are going through the same thing as me, but any christians out there that are struggling with the same addiction would help alot if i could get your stories and struggles of how you went through this and how you have prayed and stayed clean for a long time. i know that it has been around 5 months since i have been on here but i can tell you that i have looked at porn at least 25 times a month, i just cant help it. it is because i get bored and i have nothing else to do. also i have a problem, i have a girlfriend now and i dont want to be looking at other women lusting and having to deal with myself because of them, i feel like i am dishornoring her. I want to quit this habbit but i need much much much help and advice so anyone out there that is reading this please help. This is a desperate cry for help :((:((~X(~X(

Thanks, Wendell

[Rowlf]

Hi Wendell,

Welcome back!

I'm afraid it's the same old, same old to getting clean from this addiction. We've discovered no new answers since you've been here, but also have lots more success stories that it can be beaten!

So:

• Get really clear why you are doing this. List all the reasons why the effort is worth it to you to change now. Be able to refer to that list when tempted.
• Have a look at your triggers. You've identified what sounds like a new trigger of boredom. What are you going to do next time you are bored? What kind of boredom triggers PA? What was happening just before. When you are bored when can you remember not being bored? Get to know your triggers, as friendly reminders of when to do something different.
• I would heartedly recommend looking at a 12-step approach as this is a spiritual way of working with and growing through the addiction. Patrick Carnes has written some good books on this. I'm christian and now almost bless my PA as it's been a way of God breaking though my ego and calling me to a real relationship of vulnerabilty.
• Use TTF - start a journal and write in it daily.

Good luck - you can do this!

[FoolishMind]

i just cant help it. it is because i get bored and i have nothing else to do.

Wendell, This is your problem. If you read many of the opening entries to journals of PA's on this site you will see one of the key factors is boredom. This can be a wonderful space to fill. No P = more energy, more assertiveness and concentration. With that you should be thinking of new hobbies, pastimes, and contructive things to do in this spare time that you usually feel bored and so often slip to the computer for P.

Make a strategy, dont try it, just DO IT.

FM

[willimakeit]

hey iblivin4givinru, i definitely agree with the boredom factor. this is one of my main problems with PA & MA. i dunno, maybe it's that we have over active minds that need filled but got hooked on P & M before we found anything worthwhile.

i joined a gym a few days ago and planning to go most days of the week. i just need to do something with my time. going for random walks, talking to people, whatever it is that takes me away from P & M then it's a good thing :)

good luck!

[Daniel]

Greetings iblivin4givinru,

I also am a Christian.

I was very well acquainted with the "what I should do" versus "what I am actually doing" and the absolute crushing guilt that can produce.

Not so much the individual wrong act but as the pattern of:

lust-wrong thinking-actions-regret-sadness-repentance-clean-for-a-time-then-lust-thoughts-actions-regret -sadness-repentance and on and on and on for years and years.

Obviously a big stunt on your spiritual growth.

We can pray until the cows come home that our dirty hands will be made clean.

Or we can go to the sink and wash our hands.

The point being that we have a foundation in Christ, but now is the time to MAKE AN EFFORT, A REALLY REALLY BIG EFFORT, to apply the truth we know on a moment-by-moment basis to our life. Even second-by-second if that is what it takes.

We must TAKE ACTION. GET RADICAL with radical problems.

If we always do what we've always done then we'll always get what we always got.

The victory over P didn't happen to me until I
1. broke the secrecy by being discovered
2. went through unimaginable personal emotional trauma
3. nearly lost everything important to me
4. subscribed to an internet watch service to make for strong accountability
5. made a vow to be completely honest with myself and others
6. listed my triggers and kept an active plan of how to avoid the triggers and P
7. made a point of noticing/appreciating life and how much better it is without P

Just practical-type stuff. No rocket science.

Rowlf & Foolish have given you some good adice. LL can relate to you. We all can.

As Rowlf said, you can do this..

Daniel

[Little lock]

i have relized that not only do i look and or masterbate to porn because of hormones, i look at it because im bored and have nothing else to do. Even as much as i try and as much as i have learned in the entire time i have been going to church, seeking advice, and falling back into temptation, i constantly fall and feel guilty about what i do. I

LL can relate to you.



Daniel

I'm not sure if you still can remember me, but in any case welcome back! LL's what they call me now:)

Anyway, I defintely can relate to you're seeking advice-determined-the relapse-rinse and start all over again cycle. I just relapsed yesterday, and I posted my new plan on my journal, with a different focus. Instead of picking myself up, I'm going to heed FM's words and try not to relapse at all. Its a tall order yes, but I've seen enough sucess stories to know that it is possible.

I did some searching and realised that you do have a journal on these forums. Why don't you relive it? Its never too late to be who you are. And I recommend reeducating yourself. Tons of valuable info on PA can be found on these pages, along with alot of practical wisdom. If you can afford go get some of the PA related books. Patrick Carnes is one name I hear bandied about often, although since I've never read his work I can't tell you how useful it is. Rowlf can however.

I do hope you try again, and if you do, then good luck!