is this my first step that might actually work?

[willimakeit]

i've been, i guess, a PA for years and have wanted to quit for most of them. i think it must have started off as most people do, little bits at a time and then totally spiraling to hours and hours trying to get the same 'hit', and i always feel sick after it. so many times i've wanted to tell someone what's up with me but never do. i think maybe because there doesn't seem to be that many help groups you can go to and join and get help. society doesn't seem to me to have that much of an issue with PA as they do with alcohol or drug addiction. also the fact that i don't think i could stand it if anyone found out about my PA and losing the respect of my friends and family would be really devastating.

i'm so glad that i've found this site... even reading other people's problems helps, calms me down. i've been surfing this site for a few weeks reading other people's problems and it's great to know that it's not just me.

finally decided to join because i hate the feeling that i know i don't want to look at P just now but i'm going to get the urge too soon.

tiny rant, but if anyone has advice to help, anything would be appreciated, and thanks to everyone who've posted advice and support on the forums. i find it a great help reading through them :)

[Vorlan]

Welcome to the site Willimakeit,

It's good to see that you have had the strength to admit you need help and to join this site. The first post is always the hardest.

My advice is have a read around the site, there is some really good stuff around. Some of the best threads are:

FM's recovery journal: The truth is painful - but required

Farmer's Recovery Journal:
Farmer's Journal

Things to do to avoid looking at P (Alternatives for winding down): Alternatives for winding down

Best of TTF: Best of TTF - add to it!

I'd also recomend you start your own journal, tell us a bit about yourselves and how P has affected you. A journal is also a great place to get personal advice and support.

I hope you find this site as useful as I have, take it one day at a time,

Best of luck,

Ben

[willimakeit]

thanks Vorlan, it's great to hear someone giving support :) and a load of thanks for the great links. getting pointed in the right direction saves times and stops me feeling like i'm getting no-where. i might start a journal someday, i think it would really help, but not sure if i'm ready just now.

hope everything's great with you! :)

[dave]

Welcome here . . .
I have just reached 6 months clean and it feels great. Here's what worked for me.
- I disclosed to one trusted friend. It is often said we are only as sick as our secrets.
- I attend SAA - that has been a great help
- I found a counselor through an SAA person. This has made an even greater difference.
- I check in on this site almost every day - see my number of posts under my avatar graphic
- I have renewed my prayer life. I am not a conservative christian but I have felt a power greater than myself guiding me.

At first I just 'quit' but then I moved in 'recovery'. I suffered quite the withdrawl but I stayed clean. As that happened and with the above help I began to see things so much clearer. I can now understand how I got into and stayed with P/M as a way of coping with life challenges. It is still not always easy but my confidence about staying clean has grown, my integrity is returning and I am more at peace with myself than any point in recent decades.

Take care and I hope you can use some of my experience to move into recovery.
Dave

[willimakeit]

thank you dave. im currently reading through FoolishMind's journal that Voltan pointed me to and finding it amazing, helpful, funny, sad, and that maybe i can set my target for a month, and then two, and then a year, then two years (but i'll aim for something small for now :) )... i've always tried to stop for ever, but that's such a huge number it sometimes not really that realistic as i think it'll be easier to aim for something smaller and then increase it over time.

what Vorlan said about taking it one step at a time is such a simple statement but one that will have a lot of value.

also, to add to me saying that getting pointed in the right direction is a great help, thank you for directing me to the SAA, had to look up google to see what it was, lol.

i didn't realise that my PA might be a way to deal with my real life problems and situations, it's only when i finally started to search the net for help sites that some things started to make sense. even reading the PA page on wiki was like a smack in the face. a lot of points made on that page fitted me a bit too perfectly.

i hope i can fight through the withdrawl and not relapse, and hope everything goes great for you as well.

take care :)

[Newman]

Will,
These guys have given you good advice and have directed you to excellent resources. What I've found helpful is having a plan. As you stated, the urges will come. The question is what will you do when they appear. If you don't have a list of several ways to divert your attention, you are likely to give in to them. Also, if you haven't already done so, get rid of all your porn if you've saved any and make future access to porn as difficult as possible. Finally, I'll second what Dave said about confiding in a trusted friend. Revealing this secret really helps. If you don't have someone you can trust with this, keep coming here and get this out in the open. Good luck.

[willimakeit]

the plans a great idea :) i've also deleted all P from my computer and don't want to save or look at any from now on. will think about who i could tell and trust. i'll definitely keep coming on here. reading the advice of other people is a major help. only three days into joining this site and already had amazing advice! :)