Clean but depressed

[mell]

Hi Nomore and thanks for the post. I can only speak of my experiences. I have been fighting this for many years only to realize that I was an addict a few years ago.

I have heard and read that the stimulus from P and MB is a chemical reaction that is similar to what a heroin addict gets when they use. So...withdrawal is a natural reaction when you get away from the P. For me - it has been my coping mechanism and without it there is an "empty space" for a while. Likewise - after a period of sobriety - one hit is all it takes to fire the need again. Not trying to discourage anyone - my relapses have always come when I have felt clean and have relaxed in my recovery eforts.

I think the biggest key to success is to always realize that I AM AN ADDICT! I can never forget that.

Do whatever it takes to maintain support. And if you slip - get up, admit it, and fight on.

Good luck to you and to all of us.

[Mindtech]

Well, a lot of things are changing in my life at the moment, maybe it's just time for that kind of thing. Or maybe I am the changeling. But I feel a little down. Just a little.
Well, stuff happened: I quit my job (put a strainer on the economy) and put a couple of friends on ice (one turned selfish, the other turned annoying). Plus Christmas is coming up, which is always a pain.
There are also a lot of good things going on (this in my 14th sober day, plus I got like 5 years and some month of cleantime as a drug addict and alchoholic). Lots of good stuff.
I don't know. Stuff is not all bad. But it makes perfect sense that I should feel a little down: I lost my good ol' companion, naked filthy ladies on a screen! Been there for years! Back when I lost drugs and alchohol, I felt down as well. Where to run when emotions demanded attention?
But I'll be okay. There is only this day. It snowed last night, so everything is pretty and a little quiet. It's Saturday, and I can do whatever I want. I can focus on the stuff that I can change for the better. Stuff is not all bad!

[Daniel]

Mindtech,

It sounds like things coming back into a healthy control -congratulations!

The changes you describe are very tough to make: changing out friends, ditching the obvious destructive habit (PA, drugs, alcohol). Way to go!

Continue down this path, it's the much better alternative! (You already know I know..),

All the Best to you,

Daniel

[nomore]

Well, a lot of things are changing in my life at the moment, maybe it's just time for that kind of thing. Or maybe I am the changeling. But I feel a little down. Just a little.
Well, stuff happened: I quit my job (put a strainer on the economy) and put a couple of friends on ice (one turned selfish, the other turned annoying). Plus Christmas is coming up, which is always a pain.
There are also a lot of good things going on (this in my 14th sober day, plus I got like 5 years and some month of cleantime as a drug addict and alchoholic). Lots of good stuff.
I don't know. Stuff is not all bad. But it makes perfect sense that I should feel a little down: I lost my good ol' companion, naked filthy ladies on a screen! Been there for years! Back when I lost drugs and alcohol, I felt down as well. Where to run when emotions demanded attention?
But I'll be okay. There is only this day. It snowed last night, so everything is pretty and a little quiet. It's Saturday, and I can do whatever I want. I can focus on the stuff that I can change for the better. Stuff is not all bad!

I can relate to the drug thing as well, I quit about 4 years ago and I even quit smoking just under 3 years ago, this is much harder and I've been on and off the wagon since I started this topic. Anyway I'm trying again and this is my sixth day clean the depression is starting to kick in again though not a good time for that to happen but I guess there's never a good time.

This is a particularly low point and my sense of self worth is at an all time low. The only positive is that I'm so depressed that my sex drive is zero so no danger of a relapse at the moment.

[Newman]

This is a particularly low point and my sense of self worth is at an all time low. The only positive is that I'm so depressed that my sex drive is zero so no danger of a relapse at the moment.

Well, if you ever needed to lower your sense of self worth, using porn in the way to do it. I'm being sarcastic here. I've posted before about the cruel irony of using porn. Many of us do so because we have a low sense of self worth. Problem is, using porn only lowers our sense of self worth. The thing we turn to as an escape from our problem actually makes the problem worse! Porn use will take away your self confidence, self assurance, self worth and will retard your social and emotional development. And that's just for starters. Stay with it, nomore. What you've started is a good thing. Your persistence will pay off and you will get better and better able to resist and handle the depression.

[lonesome_soul]

Well, if you ever needed to lower your sense of self worth, using porn in the way to do it. I'm being sarcastic here. I've posted before about the cruel irony of using porn. Many of us do so because we have a low sense of self worth. Problem is, using porn only lowers our sense of self worth. The thing we turn to as an escape from our problem actually makes the problem worse! Porn use will take away your self confidence, self assurance, self worth and will retard your social and emotional development. And that's just for starters. Stay with it, nomore. What you've started is a good thing. Your persistence will pay off and you will get better and better able to resist and handle the depression.

All good points, Newman. I think this is often true across the board for all addicts: we gravitate towards our selected vice because we suffer from low self worth and seek to give our ego and our confidence a boost, only to find ourselves being dragged down lower and lower by the grip that our vice has taken upon us. I definitely feel like my social and emotional development has been impeded by the abuse and neglect I suffered as a child, and that escapism into P and sexual fantasy was an outgrowth of that.