Falling Apart

[traveller]

Hi-

Since-'coming out' to my wife for a second time, our life is slowly unravelling. She is completely devastated that I am still acting out because I promised her it was over. Last night, we sat in the car in the cold rain for 3 hours with her pouring out all this hurt I've given her, and basically telling me what a complete weakling and shit that I am. Then home and awake at 4am for more-I am a shell of a man now, and I have taken away her love for me.

She does not know if she want to be with me anymore. She feels she has only given to me over 25years and I have generally only taken. The PA is only one part of it all. All her past hurt is now coming out, as if it is pay back time for me-and I never knew all these things-she didn't ell me. She feels used and abused-and numb. I have killed so much-she says I've never loved her-(which is so untrue) and has blocked out all the greatness we have had in our relationship over the years-leaving me-and us- at ground zero.

She has always loved me and has thought I am the greatest husband and father-no one could ever take care of her as well as me or knows her better. But now she knows a part of me-a black one which has been my secret. I am evil, sick, perverted and have not thought of our children and how it could affect them if anyone found out. She tells me I am on my own and that I have alot to atone for.

My ability to deal with this has got better, but I have still lapsed too often. I am now giving her my phone bills (although I've never done anything with my phone), getting accountability software, getting rid of my home laptop. She even wants me to tell someone else-a friend-so they can see the truth about me.

I have damaged so much with this, and hurt the best person in my whole life who has always loved me.

What can I do to salvage this? Is there hope? She has none but doesn't want me to leave because of the kids. Can any spouses (women) give me some insight here-I am desperate to hold my life together and heal my wife and protect my kids.


Please help me!!!!!!