serious question pplz!

[hangingin]

Would you date someone if you are recovering from PA?

what if you just finished a relationship that was serious (and parts of the conflict could have been avoided if it wasnt for the P)
now,
is it best to try to work out the addiction FIRST or would it hurt to try dating again if you feel ready for it
(for me its been about 2-3yrs from my last [and first] relationship, and would like to see what others may have to say about this)

just dont want to have un-realistic expectations from any girl in a relationship due to PA
Thanks!

[Abbie]

Hi there, I'm the wife of a PA and didn't know the extent of his addiction until we were planning the wedding! I can't really say what you should do, but here is my opinion based on my experience.

Personally, I wish my Husband had dealt with his addiction before he started dating me, as obviously this would have saved a hell of a lot of heartache for both of us.

However, very often PAs don't see they have an addiction until it destroys something real that they love, so it's difficult for them to 'give up' one love of their life whilst there isn't another around to take it's place.

Whilst I do believe everyone deserves to have another half and be loved unconditionally, you need to think really hard about how your addiction may affect a new partner.

The huge positive you have is that you are on here, you are already dealing with your addiction. Perhaps if my Husband had of told me about the addiction early on, I may have been able to support him. I'm unsure though.

I think it's a great idea to explore your thoughts and ideas in this topic, getting an all round opinion can only help you and also exploring this idea in detail will lead you to answer your own question.

Hope any of that made sense and was helpful!

[FoolishMind]

Completely agree with what Abbie says, but that also requires hindsight. I would have not entered into marriage if I knew I had this problem, But then, at that time, I didnt think it was a problem!

I dont think you should go to the extreme of saying 'no relationships' but I think to respect yourself and a potential partner, I could state that you have a problem, and you are working through it. Some may run a mile, but those that genuinely like you for you, will appreciate your honesty and most likely support you through it.

FM

[Newman]

It goes without stating (although I'm stating it) that you continue to work on the addiction problem no matter what. But then you knew that. I tend to think that, at least initially, you ought to consider dating. Part of what porn does is isolate us from other people and it seems to me that the more those of us with PA/SA can interact in a positive way with people the better equipped we are to deal with our addiction. However, if the relationship starts getting serious and you are still dealing with PA/SA problems I think you should tell.

[hangingin]

I would love to thank you both, Abbie and FM.

my last gf never said anything to me but I am sure she knew of my addiction (since she made subtle comments on the topic sometimes) and like you said, I didnt really think that much of it at the time, do got to say her comments as we walked away, sure have been that burning flame to make me want to fix the things I can.

Im sorry to hear about you and your husband's battle, but that is really good that he is coming to notice how destructive PA can be, I really wish you both all the best.

and I am looking forward to reading more on the topic from the website and get past this to not hurt anyone who may be sharing my life with me down the road, also hoping to get some time to make more posts on here aswell

thanks guys,
it is so great to see you guys so devoted to help others through their time of need in the healing process from PA (glad I found this site)
God bless

[hangingin]

I see your point Newman, that is very true how P causes you to stay in seclusion, I can really hear ya that getting out there in the world can be such an impact in forming healthy relationships with others (especially from dating)

thanks for the comment