Highly sexed individual, trying to stop masturbation/porn

[wantostopit]

I'm 32, and I think it began in my college days - whenever I did not have a girlfriend, I'd masturbate to porn. First to VHS tapes, then DVD, now online porn....

I've been reading books, attending seminars (like the Landmark Forum), doing self-hypnosis, etc, and have come to the realization that in spite of being successfull as a software engineer, happily married, etc - I've not been able to shake the masturbation/porn combo for a good while.

I see some of the other posters attempted to abstain for 2 weeks - and I tried this, without ever coming across this forum, but a funny thing happened - I got irritable and snappy toward my wife/surroundings. I then relapsed back into viewing/masturbating, because I didn't think becoming a nervous wreck was worth it.

What's funny is, the same sexual energy I dissipate through masturbation/porn, is the same thing that has kept me going all these years. I am of a highly sexed nature, do not have long refractory periods after having sex, and am able to 'recharge' quickly....

I've been a philanderer (I've stopped that since awhile back) in my marriage, and it's that damned sex drive again, and the lack of feeling satisfied with my own wife that pushed me to do it... Just more of the same, more sex, but somehow it completely lacks satisfaction and is never enough, regardless of how many times I am able to do it.

That's the long and short of it - so my only question is - how do you keep the sexual energy going, while NOT masturbating/watching porn, AND NOT feeling like a nervous wreck due to abstaining from sex/masturbation? I go to the gym 45 minutes a day, but that doesn't seem to help me either (it actually pumps me up even more)...

Really, I want to stop masturbating because I think it's probably the most counterproductive/wasteful thing you could do to yourself, yet I can't seem to control the urge successfully because it can come on anytime of day/night even with a thought ...

So, any suggestions?

[Light]

I read something this morning that I thought relates directly to your post:

"Most men with porn addiction claim they are more sexual than the average person thereby rationalizing their need to rely upon porn. In most
cases their sexual batteries are charged up because of their behavior, focusing on the sex act for many hours a day, and not their genetics."

which I found on : this page.

While I agree that people can be more or less "sexually charged" than an average person, I think that those habits are largely the result of your behaviour.

Since I have been there and taken a walk in your shoes, I can say that as long as you are using porn and feeding the monster (or habit) it will continue to feel like it has control over you.

I think it is possible for you (and all of us) to get to a place of more "normal" sexuality. If we removed porn from our lives entirely for a couple of years, I'm confident that the desire to MB would drastically decrease.

There is a saying that goes something like "what you think about expands" which is related to another quote "you can judge a tree by it's fruits."

I think our situation is no different. If you feed your addiction every day, take care of it, nurture it, and spend time (sometimes hours a day), you can bet it's going to take up a good root in your head, and after a while, you're going to think it was always there, a part of you. In reality, it isn't you at all, you've just been feeding and taking care of it till it can overcome you whenever it wants.

I hope that doesn't sound too strange or esoteric, but that's the closest analogy I can find.

As for what I can recommend, I would say for starters, get rid of all the porn, vhs, dvd, etc. Make a list of what triggers you and when. Turn off the computer as much as you can. Move the computer to a busy area in your living space. Don't use your computer when you are alone. Become a more spiritual person (this doesn't mean religion if that offends you). Meditate, get control of your mind. Be disciplined in other areas of your life and it will spill over to this area as well. Funnel all your extra energy into your wife and relationships.

If you get irritable, I think that is normal reaction to expect. Have you ever been around someone who is trying to quit coffee or cigarettes? Or worse, drugs or alcohol? It's not pretty. You are denying yourself something that you are conditioned to having.

Work out new ways to relieve stress that are healthy and beneficial. The biggest one that's helped me is simple exercise. Start going for a walk every day, or go to a gym, etc. There are lots of thing you could do to get through that tough detox period.

I think that after you have made it a month, you will start to see that what you thought you needed and what you really need are not the same

Good luck!

[021hallows]

Hi wanttostopit,

Originally Posted by Light

As for what I can recommend, I would say for starters, get rid of all the porn, vhs, dvd, etc. Make a list of what triggers you and when. Turn off the computer as much as you can. Move the computer to a busy area in your living space. Don't use your computer when you are alone. Become a more spiritual person (this doesn't mean religion if that offends you). Meditate, get control of your mind. Be disciplined in other areas of your life and it will spill over to this area as well. Funnel all your extra energy into your wife and relationships.

If you get irritable, I think that is normal reaction to expect. Have you ever been around someone who is trying to quit coffee or cigarettes? Or worse, drugs or alcohol? It's not pretty. You are denying yourself something that you are conditioned to having.

Work out new ways to relieve stress that are healthy and beneficial. The biggest one that's helped me is simple exercise. Start going for a walk every day, or go to a gym, etc. There are lots of thing you could do to get through that tough detox period.

I think that after you have made it a month, you will start to see that what you thought you needed and what you really need are not the same

Good luck!

This is as comprehensive as it can get... you may call it tough but believe me it's not as tough as it seems, it's not easy either but if you really want to quit porn/MB then that's the way to go about it.


Peace