Hi there

[cody92]

I'm not real new here, but this is my first time posting, it took me awhile to actually do this, but I'm glad I am. My name is Cody, I'm 19 and I've been struggling with p for 6 years now. It has gotten worse in the past year though. I was introduced to it by my father when he gave me "the talk" which wasn't really any use at the time since I was confused with my sexuality anyways. But what he did was he gave me a list of sites to go to. And ever since then I've been hooked.

When I started going out with guys, I would stop looking at it while I was with them, I had more control then, and wouldn't even look as much when I wasn't with someone. I felt when I was with someone that was disrespectful and such and I really didn't have a desire to either. Then 3 years ago I started dating a guy who was into p which I didn't know at first, and then he said to look at it to, so I started to and I really didn't enjoy it, but at that time I wouldn't stand up for myself with anything(that has improved). That all messed with my perception of it, so after that I looked at it more than usual, and even when we broke up and I started dating another guy I would.

Then 2 years ago I was in a relationship with someone who I thought I was the "one" you could say, I fell in love with him. Things were going great, we both had some trust issues that would get in the way but I felt we were working through them. When I was with him I didn't really look at p. Until one day we got in an argument about p and how he was lying about looking and an addiction he had with it(we did talk about how he was addicted in the past but he said he worked on it). So with that, it made me upset with it all and threw me off even more. I started looking more and more couldn't get enough of it, and I also looked to help my anger about the situation with the guy I was with, with me doing that I became addicted, and started to rely on it. We were together for a year and it was a relationship full of so many downs and not many ups, and later figured out he was cheating on me the whole time we were together. At that moment, everything changed negatively with me and p and sex in general. I started looking even more to help my anger and pain from what happened, my view of love and sex changed. There have been times where I have looked 5-6 times a day to help with stress. And even though it has been almost a year since our breakup I still haven't healed completely because of the way I dealt with the situation.

I have been porn free for 3 days now, still in the beginning, and even though this is hard I want to reach out and get support for this. Thanks for reading.

[metalfossil]

Hi Cody92,
I'm glad you worked up enough courage to write. This is a great place full of caring people. Congrats on 3 days and once again for your courage in sharing.
Dave

[dave42]

Hey Cody92! I agree with MetaFossill -- good job staying away for 3 days and well done working up courage to write. I remember the first time I wrote on this site about 4 years ago. It was scary. We want to support you. I think it is very smart of you to get help while you are young. I'm 46 and how I wish I'd been as wise as you in seeking help to quit when I was your age. I'm sorry about the situation with the guy who was cheating on you and using a lot of p. Not good. Sigh... hang in there, my friend! It's not easy being gay and it's not easy dealing with p addiction. Keep writing and let us know how you are doing. In my experience the first 1 month is the toughest. (I have about 20 months away from p and other unhealthy stuff.) It's very difficult to stay "sober" but one of tricks is to seek help over and over. Whether you are doing well or slipping back into old habits, we are part of the solution. In other words, I've never heard of anyone staying clean without a support group. So, welcome!

[cody92]

Thanks metalfossil and dave42! And thanks dave42 for sharing that with me, it's been 10 days now since I've looked at p. I was actually pretty easy for me the first few days but at the 7th day mark it has been a struggle. I'm also going to school for life coaching and spiritual studies. The school is amazing, and my class right now is about meditation, and with that I've been getting into it a lot more, and that helps me when I'm going thru a withdrawal. I've also been having weird dreams though, is that normal as well? Congrats to both of you for staying strong and not giving up!

[Timothy]

Hi . Cody, Best wishes with your Recovery from P A. ,TIM