Thanks, Scooter for these incredible words: "Whether we are gay or straight, I believe everybody wants the same things from life... that is love, security, happiness. I believe porn can be damaging to all of these and that similar methods of addressing the porn issue can be applied to gay and straight people."
I think when I started this thread months ago, I was just beginning the process of straightening out my life in terms of p addiction. If I'm honest, I can admit now that at that was a little turned off by some comments on this website that seemed to conflate being gay with being addicted: it was just a few posts, but the message from these folks (who were doing their best!!) was basically, "I'm addicted to p and I think I'm gay and this is a big problem."
I wanted a thread where I could talk to people who felt as I feel: being addicted to p is understood as a big problem but being gay is absolutely not. I wanted to talk to people who wouldn't say things about how their religion taught them that being gay was a sin. I am okay with those guys feeling that way and discussing things that way among themselves, but it was really important to have a conversation with folks who felt differently.
I am 43 years old; I stopped debating the sinfulness of homosexuality about, oh, I'd say, 25 years ago! But I needed (and still need, 4 months later) lots and lots of support for this tough addiction: not debate, not religious discussion -- just help. So that's why I started this thread. I'm really glad that this thread has developed. It's funny: I often forget to check it for new comments: but when I do read I'm really grateful to folks like Illumination, Bozo, Scooter and Valjean and VeggiePark! Thanks everyone!
You're very welcome Dave. Whether being gay is a sin or right/wrong is not really an issue that should be debated here...i've seen that debated on forums everywhere! I have seen it a little here but the mods are usually pretty good at filtering them out or getting the conversation back on track.
I agree, porn addicts who are gay and need support need support on their addiction, not comments on their orientation. Its good you got over those hurdles 25 years ago, from what I gather about attitudes in that time, that can't have been easy!
The new forum here for gay people (which I'm guessing this thread will be moved to), will hopefully decrease the number of unhelpful posts.
When I was young it seemed that life was so wonderful.... a miracle. Oh it was beautiful, magical.
Well, I think it's time for an SO to pipe in on this one, and heck it might as well be me. So Hi, I'm s4p and i'm a bisexual woman! Ok now that that's out of the way, I just want to let you guys know that no...i don't know what you're going through...I don't know what it's like to be you...but I do know what it's like to grow up in the bible belt, and be an openly bisexual woman. I do think that it is highly likely that becoming addicted to porn is much easier for a "gay" person in some cases than a "straight" person. Now take me as I'm saying it, this is on a case by case basis. I have many gay male friends, and many lesbian friends, and if you take the Porn out of the addiction and just look at the grand scheme there are more cases of addiction in general in my "gay" circle of friends than my "straight" circle of friends. When these friends sought recovery from their addictions and were asked to search deep and find the things that made them so unhappy that they turned to drugs, alcohol, sex, etc to fill that gap...many had the same responses.
Childhood issues with not fitting in, not being loved, not being accepted, being shunned by family, or by society, self doubt, self hatred, confusion, abuse, neglect...we can all relate to these things no matter which we are, being straight or gay. I guess my reason for posting is to validate your position from the other side of the fence, or in my case walking that tight rope, lol.
I know that the way i was treated over my bisexuality and the family I grew up with...though they always accepted my sexuality they were very dysfunctional...helped lead me down the path to become a codependent person. Co-dependency is an addiction all on it's own, though there is nothing for me to show you to validate it, my addiction is all in my head, literally.
I just want to say, after all my rambling, I'm so glad that you have found the strength to fight this addiction, and a bit more so because of the chance for ridicule that you face being gay and out! I know how hard that can be, just to be openly out and you have my up most respect for your strength.
Peace and love,
Crys
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time.
Sorry I'm so late in the response, but I'm glad I was able to help anyone, and I'm glad you guys have been able to connect and help each other in ways that us breeders (lol) couldn't relate to.
Take care,
Colin
Awesome post S4P, and I love the serenity prayer in your signature... very appropriate.
Its interesting that you see gay people having more addictions than straight people. The bitter side of me would just conclude that gay people are more fucked up than straight people (and I'm allowed to say that as I'm included, lol)
When I was young it seemed that life was so wonderful.... a miracle. Oh it was beautiful, magical.
I know what you mean, the down side of being truly bisexual is that I am truly stuck on the fence with everything i come in contact with. I think very much like a man a times, and at others like a woman...I find I have two extreme personalities in my head at times too...I have moments where I sway from the Extreme stereotype of the male personality and the extreme stereotype of the female, now the down side of this is I'll find myself checking out "chicks" in a bar in a crass way, then get pissed off because the male bartender can't look me in the eye "because there up here, hello". That's just a moderate example but, I'm sure you get where i'm coming from.
I told that little ditty, to follow in to this one, I had a very good friend for 17 years that I have recently had to cut loose. He is a gay male, hell I told him in the 6th grade when we "dated", Man you can tell me if you're gay, i won't judge you i'll still love you..."it still took him 4 years to come out to me, go figure". I've watched him go from balanced and strong, to a raging lunatic at times. Because of the "hurt" in his life from being rejected by the community, Having a "f'd" up child hood, a horrible mother "crack head, literally", being in one abusive relationship to another, and his history of always choosing the "drug Dealers" at the clubs to date...he has come to a point where not only is he at times a recovering addict to drugs, but he drinks ""A LOT"", is in a relationship with a fellow alcoholic "who he pushes to the brink of beating him at times" [now disclaimer, I'm not saying he deserves to be beaten up, but I swear to god If my husband provoked me and talked to me the way he talks to his husband, i'd be damned if he wouldn't end up with a lamp up side the head at times too...**no i'm not violent...just twitchy, lol] He is also co dependent to the point of never letting anyone around him grow and change or be happy, he's so unhappy that he intentionally drags those around him down, He has a serious problem with porn and sex in general and has contracted Hiv due to his "free" behavior and has passed it on to several others who in turn don't seem to care, and while all of these issues are bad his worse problem is that He CAN NOT take accountability for anything he does wrong. he feels entitled to treat anyone how he does, no matter what the consequences.
I gave you that back story, because to me he has become that tragic symbol of the lack of support and detremental behavior that is propagated through out the gay community. I have tried to make a stand in my local community so many times about the need to take responsibility for our actions, to work for the betterment of our group, to stop all of the "token" gay stereotypes because they just hurt the community at large, but being a bisexual woman I am shunned to a certain extent from the gay community as a whole. Always being told I should pick a side and such, even by him.
I find it all very frustrating, to see the need for such extreme help in a group of people so mistreated in general...it is sad that I know more gay addicts than straight ones. It makes me angry that it feels like no one cares at times. The groups back home that work to help with gay rights and equality are lead by a lot of the gay "leaders" that in public seems to be standing up against the stereotypes but end up being the ones at the club doing meth in the back room, taking home who ever will go with them, and perpetuating the endless cycle of no responsibility for ones actions. I've finally lost any ability to be a part of my friends life, it has drug me down so many times by his own choices and intentional attempts to hurt me...I just pray that someone can step in soon and stop the cycle.
Thanks for listening to my rant, I know it was off topic, but I needed to get that out.
Peace and love,
Crys
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time.
Hmmmm......I just thought it was interesting reading this thread on Gay/Bisexuals. I've really only ever been in two relationships. I'm 28 years old. When I was 17, I had my first relationship with a women, She was 21. We were together for 8 years. And sadly, I am by no means gay or even Bisexual. I was desperate to be loved, and because of the way I was raised, I never felt good enough to be loved by a man. I thought I had to settle for a women-and I know you are all probably saying WTF is wrong with this girl?! I know much better now. It was very hard to stay in a relationship that long-watching every piece of myself swirl down the drain. I felt incredible guilt at times. I used drugs and alcohol to try to escape the reality of it. Not to mention that it was incredibly selfish of me to stay with a women who may have truly loved me, while I loved her as a friend-I knew all along I wasn't in love with her. I just felt stuck. And a tiny part of me liked the escape of this fantasy world I lived in because I got to play a Lesbian-& in a way escape from the world in that way.
So after I finally broke up with her, I met my current boyfriend my second and current relationship. I was actually still involved with her the night that he and I met. But after that I just knew we were meant to be together. And this was the FIRST man I've ever trusted-the first man I've shared my real true self with. He knows absolutely everything about me. I would never hide a thing. I also am his first relationship, he's incredibly shy and never so much as ever had any contact with a women before me. (Or men-LOL!) But seriously, I just felt everything was so right with us, we met at he perfect time in both of our lives. I truly believe we were meant for each other.
I think I may have an even more difficult time with his P addiction just because this is the first man I've ever trusted or confided in. this was the first man I ever let myself love. And it rips me open inside to see that trust & love broken.
The Following User Says Thank You to Jacinda24 For This Useful Post:
Hey, everyone! I'm writing here because I'm feeling a bit low. Nothing dramatic. I'm supposed to be doing my homework, and I have a million tasks piling up. I'm not particularly tempted to look at p, but I'm just feeling a little blah. Sigh...I guess this is part of life. I'd feel better if I'd just get a bit of work done. You know: check a few tasks off so that I could at least say, "Well, I got 3 things done this afternoon." I guess I'll give that a try. Okay, thanks for letting me whine! Hope everyone who reads this knows that there are a bunch of folks at TTF who are cheering you on. No matter how things are going: well, poorly, or so-so, know that there are people who care about you and want you to reach your goals. Hang in there!!
06-29-2008, 04:18 PM
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