Gay Culture and P

[dave42]

I wondered if anyone wanted to talk about p in gay culture.

The other day, I was walking through the Castro District in San Francisco, and I really had to work hard to keep from looking at images. You know the Castro isn't that big -- at least not the part you walk around for fun: maybe 2 to 5 blocks in any direction, and yet it seemed like there were a lot of places (well, maybe not a lot; probably I'm exaggerating a little...seemed like a lot, though!) of places with soft p displays in the store windows.

I guess this is not news to anyone, right? I mean, I've been walking around the Castro since I was 17 years old (I'm 44), and so I guess I'm mentioning it because it's a bit of a problem.

You know: you're gay, so you want to be connected to the gay places in your geographic area. But, if you have an addiction to p, like I do, then you DON'T want to be playing with fire. I've played with fire so many times in my life, and I think I finally learned my lesson --if I play with fire I always, always, always end up, sooner or later, getting burned.

So, it's not just the Castro. If I'm reading gay news on the web, there are often ads featuring scantily clad guys.

I guess some of you reading this are thinking, "Look, Dave, it's simple: don't go to gay news sites. Don't go to the Castro." But I feel that that solution is maybe (not sure) unsustainable: I think it's taken years, really decades, to be more and more comfortable with my sexuality. I need to be able to be proud and okay as a gay man, but I certainly don't need temptations.

This isn't about meeting guys, by the way: I'm in a 4 years and counting monogamous relationship. Was previously in a 8 year relationship. But it could be for some of you, right? I mean, if you are a single gay man reading this, maybe you are in an even bigger dilemma. Would also like comments from lesbians, bi-sexuals and trans folks, and, of course!!!, the many, many straight members and visitors here at TTF. This discussion is meant as one particular entry point that might be useful for any of us to support any other of us! It's not meant to exclude anyone.

So, what do you think? How does a LGBT person with an addiction to p deal with the p in LGBT culture? Or is that even the right way to pose the question?

Thanks for your thoughts! Looking forward to your ideas.

Stay Strong and take it easy,

Dave

[yorkie_owner_85]

I do agree with you.

[Vorlan]

As a straight guy with a lot of gay friends I know exactly what your talking about. The "gay culture" does seem to be linked to P quite strongly. I guess it's because being gay used to be seen as "subversive" so it linked with other "subversive" things like P. Probably the only real way forward is for gay people who hate P to stand together, form their own news, culture, communities etc. Provide an alternative...maybe I'm just reading into it too much? :P

Hope my musings were at least interesting if not helpful! :)

Best wishes,

Ben

[Cupcakemomma]

Kinda behind the eight ball time wise, but I wanted to chime in here anyway, as I had to think of this exact issue from a straight point of view today while worrying for my bf. He had to work in a "seedier" for lack of better words area of town today and I was worried that it might be a trigger for him having to walk past dozens of stores and the "local talent" selling themselves on every corner near by. I havent worked up the courage to ask him yet if it was a problem but judging from his mood when he came home, it probably was. Have you made any progress on how to handle that type of dillema? I would very much like to offer him support on coping as he will have to be there on and off for the next 6 weeks.

[dave42]

"Have you made any progress on how to handle that type of dillema?" Well, yes and no. I think that 10 months of sobriety has given me some leverage, as well as something that I really don't want to lose. But someone here said that it's 10 miles down the road but still 3 feet from the ditch. What works for me when obsessive thoughts go through my head is a short repetitive prayer, "God, help me" over and over and over. Good luck to your husband and to you!