Think.....

[healme]

Well, last night I decided to go to an Sanon meeting (part deux,) I have not been since I initially found out about my H’s affair with P which was 5 years ago. He has been an addict for 12 years.

After the initial shock yesterday morning of finding out that my H was back on P (but this time he was doing it at work as it was to risky to do it at home) I stayed home from work as I couldn’t face the day, my H went golfing…..yes golfing, which infuriated me. My marriage was over and I was going to ask him to leave.

The topic I chose for my discussion was “Think”. I’m not sure why or what I wanted/needed to say about it but I chose “Think”. My H and I agreed that we were to meet after my outing to discuss what I now knew as being real again in my marriage. “Think”, So I starting talking about Lies and more Lies so I thought (haha) that I would ask my H to think before he answered my questions. If he was unable to give me the whole truth then he was simply to tell me that he couldn’t answer me right now, his “OUT”. I also promised not to torment him for answers. I don’t think I have any more patience for lies, I’d rather hear nothing than to have to hear to another lie.

I had prepared my fight all day. However, if I wanted him to “think” than I thought I should talk the talk. Instead of belittling, accusing, making him feel guilty, shameful etc. I thought before re-acting. I now believe that the guilt and shame brings him back to porn.

We had a really productive conversation and this morning I thought about “Marriage” and what that meant to me. I know my H has broken many marriage vows and I should walk away. I also know that I promised to be there in sickness and in health. He’s down right now so I will pick him up and help him heal. It doesn’t mean I’ll stay in the marriage it simply what I promised him.

Thanks Sanon
One day at a time

[healme]

Apart from the SA programs, does anyone know Bellwood rehab in Toronto. I think it's a 3 week program but I don't know anymore on it and not sure if it's effective.

What do you suggest works best for long-term recovery?