should I be worried?

[stillandagain]

after reading in my S-Anon Big Book, I checked the novel my PA H is currently reading. Just a suspense, who-done-it novel. He reads avidly, every night. So I paged through this novel and found A LOT of erotic stuff. You know, chemistry between characters, who give in, etc.

Tell me, should I be worried? is sobriety threatened? is this another form of denial?

We talked about it in counseling this morning. He said he "skips those sections"

Yep, my red flags are flying high!

But I am willing to listen to reason

[stillandagain]

PS any feedback would be greatly appreciated

[mell]

I can't speak for anybody else, but for me I would have to consider it fantasy and it could be a trigger, but that is just for me. I think different things trigger different people. I can watch tv and movies without getting triggered. Books are more isolating. Again, just my take on it. It may be completely different for your H.

[stillandagain]

thanks mell. you verbalized my fear

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

stillandagain,

You can't know what's in his head, so perhaps those sections do nothing for him or maybe he does skip them. But, if those books are triggering for you and increases your fear and axiety and takes away from your belief in his committment to recovery, then you two should discuss and he should probably stop reading books like that. This recovery is supposed to happen together, and if you are doubting him, it almost doesn't matter what's going on in his head, because of what's going on in your head. His job is to reassure you.

[FoolishMind]

Like Mell said, I cant speak for anyone else, but im fairly confident that a PA's brain works much the same.

When all sources of P was first cut off, beleive me, I would be happy to get a fix from anything. Without imagery, I would really depend on my mind and imagination to conjour up the "high" I wanted. Sick I know, but its a fact.

My opinion is very much, if you are a recovering PA, anything that stimulates sxual thoughts other than your wife/partner should not be allowed. Its just way too risky!
FM

[TrueBlue]

Mr. Blue and I have had many a discussion about the things that are in different books that we read. We are both book worms, and some of the books we share because we both like have brief things in them that I couldn't read after the fateful day. Now I'm okay with some of them because, well, I don't know why, it's just less of a reminder this far in I guess.

For Mr. Blue, a lot of his unwinding and personal entertainment was involved in reading or gaming and occaisionally drawing, and that he definitely needed that separate, stress-free time to recharge and process things.

If you are seeing red flags it is very very important to talk about it with BH. Perhaps it is one of the things he needs to give up, or you need to just accept, or you both have to find a compramise on. I know it is so draining when everything has potential to be more significant than it used to be, and my husband and I have sure had a lot of conversations I couldn't possibly have envisioned ten years ago.

All the best,
TrueBlue

P.S. We stumbled upon a "Christian Myster/Thriller" author named Dee Henderson. Only read a couple of her books, but those were still "thrilling" and didn't have anything objectionable in them that I recall.

[stillandagain]

Just lost another post, so I am trying on the Blackberry. BH and I are indeed talking about this. I was lead to the subject through S-Anon, but had asked him when all this began this time, too. I am satisfied with his answer, but I will ask again if red flags fly. I have learned that its better for me to ask, out loud, than worry or assume anything. My hunch is that I will keep asking...

[Steelerfan27]

Yep, that's a trigger. I wouldn't call it P, but a definite trigger. It triggers our lust which is the real root problem us PA's have to deal with. It's just not a good thing to have around. I understand that most novels of any length will have some of those scenes, but there are plenty with only one scene or very tame scenes. In general, you can determine which books will be on the safer end of the spectrum when you buy them. I would recommend that your SO steer clear of books with many of these scenes and that he get rid of the books after he's done. It's something where he may be ok reading the book through once, but if he finishes the book, leaves it on the shelf and uses it to re-visit certain sections for an escape later on...that's not healthy and will probably lead to him indulging in more harmful ways.

Bring it up gently, if your husband is serious about quitting P, he will take advantage of his strong moments to rid himself of potential temptation sources. Good luck!