Why risk?

[stillandagain]

This is a question I have had through each discovery. I am hoping to hear some perspective.

WHY RISK EVERYTHING? self, marriage, job, family, etc

I know there is no simple answer, but maybe there is someone out there who has a sense of their own answer and is willing to share it.

Rather than generalities or philisophy or diagnosis, is anyone willing to share what your sense of your answer might be or is?

[Crisodian]

s&a,

I think at the base of it all, there's the old belief "if no one knows, and I don't get caught, there's no risk". Sad. But true. From what I have learned along the way, it truly seems that PAs don't think about the risks. They are comfortable in their fantasy world, and because risks are in the real world, they don't consider them... it would ruin the fantasy.

Just my experience, anyway. :)

Find peace,
~C~

[likeafish34]

I've asked myself the same question loads of times. Why do I risk so many important things in my life for my addiction.
I agree with Crisodian, that most PAs tell themselves that they won't get caught. When I used to chat with other PAs, I came across a few who had been caught, but many went on for years without being caught. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean that they were okay. For all I know, their lives might have been totally destroyed by P.
I certainly acted as if I wouldn't get caught, but actually it was much more complicated than that.

I think that there were times when I did P as a kind of punishment for my wife. I definitely did more P when we were going through bad times. When I did that, part of me wanted to get caught. I didn't care about the risk. I'm sorry if this offends some people. I know that what I did was wrong, but hopefully I'm not too late to make amends.

Probably the main reason why I took such risks is that it just made adrenalin surge through my veins and heightened the effect of the P. It's really not all that unusual. There are plenty of couples out there who get a thrill out of doing it in a public place. The risk of being caught, is just part of what they're looking for. Like any addiction, I was always looking for the next big fix. When I started I used to take quite small risks, but as time went by I needed to take bigger and bigger risks to get any effect. In the cold light of day, I knew that what I was doing was crazy, but I also knew that I would do it again. If I'm honest, I should admit that I do miss the thrill, but not so much that I am prepared to suffer the self loathing and anxiety that doing P caused.

Simon

[RichBlack]

I think it is probably a complicated answer, as answers in psychology always are :). I think that when we are acting out we aren't thinking about the risks. We are entirely focused on satisfying our urges. Afterward, possibly, the cortisone levels that increase in the brain subordinate the frontal lobes, meaning that we immediately look for ways to protect ourselves, to hide our activity. Thinking, as we know it, takes place in many different parts of the brain simultaneously. All of them are vital. The frontal lobes are in charge of being able to think things through clearly and being able to access working memory. I think that these are the part of the brain that isn't working when we act out. But that is just my humble opinion. :D

Rich

[HopefulsRock]

Stillandagain... that's a good question and I'll give you my first response... I don't know?

Didn't actually think about it being risky until I was caught, how sad is that? ...I guess and addict only thinks of what they want and not anything else! Kind of like the denial... I didn't think I was doing anything wrong! ...once again, the sad truth, but that's why we're here... to get to the truth!

Sometimes us guys need the direct approach! ...Thank you for posing the question!