Can you beat addiction without filters?

[SoSick]

I ask because my H claimed 'my way' of dealing with p 'didn't work' and nagged me to death to remove the filter. He also has a USB of drawings locked away [He says to avoid looking at Live P]

His logic is that if he can't fight the temptation while it's actually there, how can he get better? He has the USB because he views drawings as not as bad.

I believe he will fail this way. He refuses to accept that P is P and once addicted, always addicted and the only way is to cut it out and any and all access to it, as well as to rewire the brain back to a natural state [Either no MB or just MB without imagery, he won't agree with me on either these points.] That is what I think.

So PAs, anyone done it this way? How did it go? Is it really possible? I feel it's worth a mention that my H is not the most motivated person and is very lazy, two faults he acknowledges.

[Zachary]

This is a strategy that is doomed to fail. This is an addiction you're dealing with. You wouldn't let an alcoholic go to the pub, just to be not tempted. Because they will be tempted. Do drug addicts keep a stash of cocaine or heroin in the closet to not use it? Put the filter back on the computer. If he really wasn't being tempted, he'd have no problem with it being there. And drawings are just as bad as any form of P. I've said it before, it's all that kind of P, there are no varying degrees of wrongness.

Good luck to you, SoSick. I hope he comes around.

[Yechezkel]

No. I can't do this without a Filter.

I can't.

No way.

[Phil413]

Hi SoSick,

I think a filter is absolutely necessary, especially at first. As long as P is "just a click away," your H will be like an alcoholic living in a liquor store; he won't stand a chance.

What he needs to do is cut off his access to P. Then he'll have a chance to detox and withdraw from it.

Also, P is P. Whether it's a drawing or a video or a photograph is immaterial. It's all just fuel for lust.

His logic is that if he can't fight the temptation while it's actually there, how can he get better?

He's going to have to fight temptations no matter what. But without a filter, those temptations are likely to be overwhelming. He needs to separate himself from P to give him a fighting chance of recovery.

He has the USB because he views drawings as not as bad.

He needs to understand that the problem is lust, and it doesn't matter whether he feeds it with drawings or photographs or videos, or whatever. It's still the same problem.

I believe he will fail this way.

I'd almost guarantee it.

He refuses to accept that P is P and once addicted, always addicted and the only way is to cut it out and any and all access to it, as well as to rewire the brain back to a natural state

It sounds like you have a good understanding of what's needed. Why not invite your H to join us here. He'd receive a warm welcome, and we'd all be happy to support him in his recovery.

Phil

[IN NEED OF HELP]

The best answer is NO WAY. If we are to have a chance of beating this, that means that there must be no way of us getting to P on our computer.
Everything Zachary said is so true. I was one that thought I could do it without one. but I found out that I do need one, and it is installed now. I am proud to sat that I am P free for just about 4 months

you said
His logic is that if he can't fight the temptation while it's actually there, how can he get better? He has the USB because he views drawings as not as bad.
There is no logic in the way he want to work his recovery. it was in front of him all the time, hello, thats why he is a addict

He just dont what his porn taken away from him. but he will never recover without a filter

Good question you have here

[stillandagain]

What about ALL thats out there that filters do not catch. "soft P" and the like is always going to be available.

[rouby]

What about ALL thats out there that filters do not catch. "soft P" and the like is always going to be available.

what stillandagain wrote here is very, very true. I have proven today once again not having a filter is a recipe for failure.

There is a ton and I do mean a ton of MC type stuff online that a filter will not stop. I know the internet has become a way of life. Our phones are now computers in our pockets.

I wonder how others feel, but I am thinking that in addiction to the filter, we all probably need to learn to find other activities other than sitting in front of a computer screen. I would imagine that would lessen those MC stuff online more.

Just some thoughts from someone who can say a filter is needed for the detox period.

[Phil413]

Just some thoughts from someone who can say a filter is needed for the detox period.

For some folks it might even be necessary to set the filter to "white list" mode for the detox period. My son's computer is set up that way, not because he has a problem with stuff, but because I want to make sure he never does.

Phil

[rosie]

I honestly believe that if you want something enough, nothing will stand in your way. I don't think filters are necessary but they are probably useful particularly in the beginning.

However, it sounds like he is making excuses - and using "softer P" is a known trigger for harder P. Has he done any reading AT ALL? Doesn't sound like it. I think your husband is doing mental gymnastics - trying to minimize and avoid accountability.

If I were you, I might be tempted to put a hidden filter/tracker/logger on the computer and not tell him...

[Zachary]

Something I thought of, about catching some the 'other' stuff online. What browser do you use? Most browsers are set up in the way of Mozilla these days, in terms of add-ons. I use Mozilla personally, I've heard others have problems with it regarding this site, I never have but I digress. Firefox lets you download add-ons, the two I speak of are Flashblock and Ad-Blocker Plus. These add-ons disable Flash animations, unless specified by the user, and let the user block website advertisements, respectively. These two add-ons are really good trigger-blocking tools. I'm not sure if other browsers support this type of software, but they're really great at catching what some filters deem 'harmless'. It's one less thing to worry about, anyways.