Talk me down

[Charly22]

If you have ever reached out to someone while in the middle of a strong urge.....and asked them to help "talk you down".....what was helpful? What was not helpful?

[Daniel]

Charly,

I've done this and it has been extremely helpful because it forces the urges and feelings out into the light of day; it snaps the PA out of 'fantasy-world-thinking' and into reality where the world does not turn on S etc.

One of the features of being in the near trance-like behavior around urges is the total tunnel-vision aspect as everything in the world seems to melt away as you go towards the almighty fix.

Having to break that into the open with someone in real life is a real eye-opener!

Daniel

[Charly22]

So, are you saying that just the mere act of doing this alone is what was helpful?

I guess what I am asking is....if my husband were to reach out to me and take this action.....what RESPONSE should I consider good or bad?

[Daniel]

That's trickier as I reached out to another guy who was then one of my accountability partners.

If it was Mrs. Daniel in this role, I think encouragement that I am better than those urges, that following them only leads to misery later, and that I am loved and accepted even with my imperfections.

[Jon Doe 109]

I wish I could say I have... I did back in drug recovery but this addiction is very embarrassing for me and without this forum I'd not be able to do it on my own... I wouldn't have the courage to talk about it in a non-anonymous arena...much less ask for help off the net...maybe if I could ask for help from others regarding this addiction I'd be further along in life :)

[rosie]

So, are you saying that just the mere act of doing this alone is what was helpful?

I guess what I am asking is....if my husband were to reach out to me and take this action.....what RESPONSE should I consider good or bad?

My husband has done this, and the best thing we find is to try to get him to practise mindfulness - connecting with his 'gut' and working out what is really going on. Letting the emotions flow instead of distracting himself into the spiral down.

Now he does it automatically and simultaneously he is stopping his urges and working through old wounds.

[FoolishMind]

I did something slightly different here, I never really wanted my wife to know when I was feeling weak as I didnt want to upset her, so I would just call her, and just literally say "hey, tell me something", and she would just "know" and then we started to talking about anything except for P. Within a few minutes the "urge" would be gone, we would exchange " i love yous" and that would be that.

Personally I did not want my wife to be 911 counsellor I just wanted to talk to her about everything but P until the urge had passed. and it worked for me.
FM

[TooSensitive]

FM, I give you credit for reaching out to your wife and allowing her to help, even if it was done in an indirect way. You still involved her, which is really important. I am glad you were able to find a system that worked for the two of you.

But I also feel it's important for an addict to reach out to someone in his recovery circle. And to try to have an understanding of why the urges were there to begin with. B/c with that understanding, it might be possible to avoid those urges again in the future; or to at least get through them on your own, if your wife and no one else is not available in those moments.

We can always find a way to treat the symptoms, but without knowing the underlying cause, we can never hope to cure the disease.