my question to the PA's

[pixiedust]

Was just curious about why the PA's would even enter themselves in a relationship with someone in the midst of an addiction such as this one.....

[FoolishMind]

Hey Pixiedust, and very good question, and one in which you will naturally get very different answers for.

Personally, i entered into a multitude of relationships while I was hooked on P, but I never considered that I was actually an addict. To me it was normal, and every guy did it. Deep down, I acknowledged it did have effects on me, and I suppose deep down I was hoping, being in a relationship, would eventually push out the P. Sadly I was wrong.

There are members here that do acknowledge they have an addiction, and still enter into a relationship, is that wrong? I would say yes, if they are not open with the potential suitor! But if their open, and the relationship is strong, then in theory the partner would definitely help with the added support.

This addiction like many other addictions is a very self absorbed one, and therefore can leave the addict very lonely. So again it can be beneficial to the recovery of an addict to enter into a relationship, but they have to be honest.

FM

[pixiedust]

Thank you so much FM :) that is definitely something I can understand. Now I just have to work on getting the honesty I need for my own piece of mind... looking forward to more responses :).

[RootedinGod]

I agree with FM,

From my own personal experience.
The mind is healing and things can get clouded.
Some addicts will find the weaknesses in a new relationship they once abused to get away with things before in another. I have seen this first hand were inadvertently a PA will seek out a partner, or the word, for lack of a better one "victim" with out even knowing it will possibly send them back in to a real bad place where manipulation and lies could begin.

I think it takes a very grounded person to be in and stay in a relationship while healing from PA. As there is the obvious self inflicted guilt they may carry heavy on their hearts as well why in a relationship.

[pixiedust]

Another question...if you don't mind...


What are some subtle ways to let my bf know I think he has an addiction? Does he know that he does or is on the border of having an addiction?

[FoolishMind]

I dont think a subtle way is way to actually get the message across to someone. It really depends on the individual. Are they aware that it is effecting a relationship? Have you confronted them before?

I think for you to understand this more, you should definitely read the two articles about PA from a SO and a PA perspective, they are called "the dark side of the moon" and the "Mind of a PA"

Then you should read some of the stickied and highest rated threads in the SO section, which details a number of tips and strategies, in engaging with the PA, and making the PA understand the problem.

FM

[pixiedust]

I did read them both....I'm just not very good at starting conversations...especially about something like this and I don't want to seem like I'm accusing and attacking....