How does P affect your mood and how you treat you SO?

[hannah]

It's nrealy 3 weeks since I discovered the P. In the months up to this there have been times where I have come home to a different person, his mood and reaction to me has been heartbreaking. I just have to work out how much of this is down to the P.

[hellron]

Hi Hannah,

It's not so much that the P affects our mood. Our mood comes first, due to not having healthy stress-reduction/management skills and techniques in place to deal with our lives.

The P becomes an artificial way to temporarily eliminate or reduce the stress.

The reaction/mood you have seen from him have two possible sources:

a) He's not acted out. He's simply stressed and doesn't know how to handle it, or

b) He's acted out, and is feeling the after-effects; shame, self-loathing, etc. and doesn't know how to handle it

Him being weird in and of itself can't tell you which it is, although to be quite frank I'd put my money on B)

-- HR

[Mac]

Hannah
Being a PA can and will eventually completely change a persons personality. One day you as an SO wake up and wonder who this person is you're living with. I certainly agree with HR that ones demeanor after acting out could be a little alarming due to the shame and self loathing, but I see it as more of a gradual change in normal day to day mood and demeanor.
Although most guys that are here will tell you that stress and not having a healthy means of managing that stress is a big issue, that isn't usually what got them here. It became there outlet once the addiction had taken over.
It's a pretty grey area to start to try and figure out what behaviours are caused by P use and what is just normal reactions to issues going on around us. You're kind of splitting hairs. If the behaviour is unacceptable I guess it really doesn't matter which it is. If you're a PA there is no doubt P played a roll somewhere in what ever behaviour is going on.
For me it was a gradual shift to being anxious, depressed, short tempered and just generally disconnected from the normal things around me, here but not really present if you know what I mean. A lot of people talk about major emotional abuse towards the SO and I think the longer the addiction goes unchecked the worse it can get.
So to anwser your question, P can affect your mood from every possible direction and it can rule how you treat your SO. It really knows no bounds.

Mac

[hannah]

Thank oyu Hellron and Mac,
I can relate to a lot of that, he was shocked when I told him I felt emotionally abused - BEFORE I found out about the P. He had a very short temper and he has been put through hell professionaly and personally over many years, this was always in the background I now realise. For us, things are much better now, he's doing really well, three weeks and he is determined.
Hope all is well with you.
Hannah x

[Misty-Eyed Matthew]

I agree with both Hellron & Mac. I'm a recovering PA & I've have just recently seen how I was abusing my SO without even realizing it. There are triggers in our lives & throughout the day that may have nothing to do with P, but will cause us to turn to P. It may be something at work or at home that we don't want to deal with. I'm sorry your going through all this & I'll keep you in my prayers.

[RootedinGod]

Have you ever gone to buy a car ? Or gone to a garage sale?
You know how you switch in to BARGAIN-MAN ( woman) and you have changed your mood to fit your need to negotiate.

Awww and so is it with the addict, there is a mood, situation and temperment that we need to find time to use, and to justify the use. As well as enjoy the use.

The addict gets in the same frame of mind Cats do when you shake the Cat Chow box, or the dog hears the leash clanging. Or we smell chocolate cookies.

Its all about the chmical reactions that are learned by the addict.
What, where and how works and how do we get there.

Simple process and very impersonal, but complicated enough to hurt mant people in its process and hit so personal.

RIG
( Paul)