P images and intimacy

[Missingus]

This is one of the many issues that has plagued me throughout my years with a PA. Does he see or think of P when we are intimate? Is every intimate moment we spend together filled with visions of what he's seen in the past? He denies it, but he denies everything else too. So I am wondering about other PA's. I know everyone is different and there is no "standard", just wondering what others experiences have been.

[rosie]

Mine admitted he does sometimes. I can feel it too, he trails off and I know he is thinking of others. Pretty devastating.

I dont know how many PA's would admit this to you..its probably a touchy topic.

[muralmom]

I can't sit next to him and see a Lingerie commercial without wondering if he is craving a P fix. It has really messed up my head.

[Life-lies-trust]

A year later and I still get disturbed by the commercials. I think that I will always have some reaction to them. I can move beyond it and know that I can not sanitize the world around us and he needs to deal with his issues and STAY clean.

[an onymous]

Hi,

I am a PA in recovery. I don't tend to do mental P when I am with a partner. I have done it in the past but very rarely (even at the worst of my addiction) and since I have started recovery with honesty I haven't. I do stay away from anything that might trigger a relapse but I am training myself to focus more on my reactions (how do I act when something might trigger me) than in the images itself. It is near impossible to go through life without bumping into something that might trigger you. This morning I was trying to buy a watch and this huge advert with a semi-naked woman popped up on my PC!

P is a delusion. PA like me are trying to break this cycle of delusion. Don't suffer about not being able to become a delusion. I am sure your partner doesn't want that from you but being away from the deluded world of P.

Take care. I wish you all the best, and that your pain vanishes when your partner beats the addiction.

F

[IN NEED OF HELP]

I can't sit next to him and see a Lingerie commercial without wondering if he is craving a P fix. It has really messed up my head.

This is the issue with my lady. she wonders what i am thinking when certain things comes on TV. but i am honest now, and i do realize that even woman on TV was a trigger for me. and it is fair to say, thou i am very ashamed now of it, that i am guilty of having thoughts in my head of other women in my head while i was with her. i come to see just how bad my addiction as got to me. but i am not going to allow that to happen anymore. if we are watching TV and something comes on that may give me thoughts that i do want to have, i will turn my head and look at her, and talk to her while it is on the screen. i guess this is just one little way of showing her that i am very serious about my recovery, and how much i do truly love her. and i will continue to do this or anything else i need to do to rid myself of my P ADDICTION

[Daniel]

Missingus,

This is an excellent question and spoken or not, it definitely impacts all PAs who are in a relationship and in recovery.

With every PA there will be a slightly different answer on this subject.

My own take is the guilt and shame aspect. If as a PA I felt guilt and shame over using (I did), then I would be weaving that aspect of the addiction into real life if I were to allow my thinking to veer into the old library of mental images.

In the name of making firm long-term changes, I worked hard at not recalling those images ever; the process is not perfect but nevertheless significant progress has been made.

Over time, and lots of mind control on aimless thinking, the images have faded, some have dropped out completely, and my mind continues to clean up (2.75 years later).

So there is hope certainly.

Daniel

[RootedinGod]

You know, my clinical take on this is that the responses are hormonal meaning in some ways the responses are automates in the addiction, this is not to give an excuse for a response but the brain reacts to stimuli of the addiction. If we desires chocolate and we have chocolate we usually do not desire another peace of chocolate. Moreover we usually are happy with te chocolate we have. The male brain is stimulated by these responses and make intimacy possible. Its my guess that if his brain went else where when you were close then ....hmm how do you say.....there would be a lack of physical response by him to meet the desired result you get . This is just one of many answers, but dealing with the people I do at my work often the responses are just that responses and when they are in a moment that satisfies that need they do not need anything else. At-least from what I can tell it has very liitle to do with being attracted to another person and has more to do with the chemicals released when watching adult material. Not sure this helps but is my take.

Paul:-?