"I am attracted to other women"

[Missingus]

What does it mean when a PA confesses that he " is attracted to other women"?

[mell]

MU,

I'll give this a shot, don't know if it will help or not but...

First off, the admission can be looked at as a positive step. It shows a degree of honesty about some triggers.

I believe attraction to other women depends on how the attraction plays out. We can say 'that is a beautiful woman' and be totally sincere and healthy. Or we can say 'wow..she is hot..'. For me it all comes down to objectifying women and where my mind goes to when I see or think about someone.

Obvoiusly, when in a relationship, we should not feel physically attracted to other women. We have entered a commitment and need to stay faithful to it.

For many PAs, the trigger (whatever the trigger may be) starts a process that leads to deep fantasy. It takes over our 'normal' thought processes and puts us in an "I need to act out" stage. Personally, when I get to that point, I am going to act out and there is nothing anybody can do to stop it. The consequences do not matter. I need my fix and I'll get it.

My solution has been to focus on my recovery at all times. After a while, the triggers are not so strong. I also know that I have to avoid certain situations because of the possibility of being triggered. Even now, after a couple months of sobriety and a good mindset toward recovery, I simply cannot be in situations that will potentially affect me. This includes a lot of television, websites, and even places (malls, certain streets, etc). I have also been able to re-focus on what is important to me.

I have to break down 'why' I am attracted to someone. If it is purely physical, I go to working my recovery. We all have our own process here, mine is prayer. I consider objectification a sin against the person, so I pray for forgiveness and I pray for my 'victim', since I have sinned against her.

Hope this makes sense.

[Missingus]

Thank you Mell, your response made perfect sense. It seams you have found a way to work with the inevitable attractions, and go beyond them. I pray my H eventually finds that, the courage to look within, instead of just accepting.

Thank you again for your time.