How do I know it's an addiction?

[Missingus]

I know this question may sound rhetorical but I am a SO and although I have been hurt by my H's continued use of P and "acting out", he denies it, always has. So how do I KNOW that it's an addiction and not just him lying about whether or not he loves me?
Sorry I sound so pathetic but in my teens every guy I knew used P, my father used P (which I found around age 10) now owns and operates a strip club, my little brother uses P, every guy honestly. So where is the line drawn? Do all young men use? Is it only an addiction when they are married or in a committed relationship? I have in recent years gotten away from calling my H's P use an addiction and just refer to it as cheating. Which is how I perceive it. He has used P since he was 14, lied and hid it while we dated. I found it shortly after we moved in together. That was 13 ys ago,I have caught him numerous times... Cried and yelled, been angry for years, no difference other than him getting really good at lying. So again how do I know it's an addiction and not just that he doesn't find me attractive enough or he just doesn't love me?

[Life-lies-trust]

Read the resources and take the quiz about his usage. Not every guy needs P. An addiction is according to Merriam Webster

Definition of ADDICTION
1
: the quality or state of being addicted <addiction to reading>
2
: compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful.

Sorry you find yourself here this is a very difficult place to be.

[HopefulsRock]

Missing, You are 100% accurate about that it is cheating and if it's not then why don't they all get together and use? I'll tell you why, because they know it's wrong and that's why they try to keep it hidden and secret and it is indeed an addiction. If you substitute the word drugs in your post instead of P, it reads like a classic example of an addicted user and users do get really good at lying.
Missing, it has nothing to do with you, it's him and he comes from a background where it has been accepted as OK... he needs to brake that family tradition. In my opinion, he found you very attractive and fell in love with you and committed his life to you through marriage.
Missing, you sound very much like the others SO's here and I wish you well in finding what your looking for... you're definitely thinking right and in the right place for support.
Wishing you good luck.