Does the SO have santize the enviroment

[Life-lies-trust]

My question is about the addict taking responsibility for their actions.

Does the SO trying to take care of themselves and becoming healthy require the SO to stop what they are working at. Stop this when it is good for them because the addict finds some reason to engage their addictive behavior. Something as simple as working out or going to a gym. My PA has admitted that even women dressed for a workout, fit his addiction and he uses it.

[City Fool]

I discussed the very same thing with another member.
It's impossible to remove or censor everything a PA could view that might fuel their urges.

I can be in public and see the same things anyone can see in the summer at a public park or pool and do everyday.
There's a part of me that will look and appreciate what I see but I don't leer or foam at the mouth.
We are talking about humans, after all. It's hot and when I go to the park, I'm going to wear what's comfortable and I feel everyone else has that same right.
I see enough guys drive by and shout things out at girls at the park and it's an embarassment to me, who has to walk near and around others and it's a violation of their right to be in a public place without being harassed.
I've heard the lame old argument, "If they don't want the attention then they ought to cover up."
A Taliban mind set, right?
It's about dignity. As a PA in recovery, I've already traded away a large part of my ethics, morals and dignity regardless of who knows.
If I choose to roll in the gutter in private, that's bad enough but to have so little self control that I can't go out in the town without drooling all over myself, than my recovery needs to be more aggressively addressed.
I'm not trying to raise the value of my own stock here, I just need to be able to act and think about who I am.
My recovery depends on those actions.

[Charly22]

Of course you should not have to stop working out! The problem is the image of the other women in their workout clothes on a dvd or what have ya. I've dealt with this myself.

But the reality is....it IS a trigger, the dvd, the images on the tv screen.

But that doesn't mean that you should not be able to do Zumba. Nothing wrong with Zumba...It's fun!!!!

It's almost like going to the beach..do we not go to the beach cuz ladies are gonna be in swimsuits?! Do they not leave the house because they might see something attractive?! NOT!!!

If he knows that it is triggering for him...you and he both should be sensitive to each other's needs. A Zumba video is not meant to be provocative. You are doing something healthy, you enjoy it. He knows he should not be viewing it in this way, if he cannot be present without keeping control of his thoughts......then a compromise has to come into play.

We cannot live our lives in the dark.....

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

LLT-

Do your Zumba and love it!

If this is a trigger for your husband, then he is capable of self-control and he can choose to remove himself from the room for the little while you are doing Zumba. Perhaps he can use that time to think about how awesome you will look and feel and be grateful that you care enough about yourself to do something healthy and worthwhile.

As a supportive partner, we have to think about situations and determine how to handle them. For myself I would not choose to watch a movie for date night that has sx scenes in it. I also choose not to get catologs for lingerie delivered to the house. I would also not choose to go out to a bar or a club with my husband. We both choose to not put ourselves in triggering situations. But, that doesn't mean I am in control of anythng. My husband, as part of his recovery, chooses not to let himself be triggered. He doesn't WANT to be triggered or go back to that mindest, so he sanitizes his own environment. I help by supporting him and not putting ourselves in overtly sxually laced environments.

Its like if a person is on a diet. I would support by not bring home donuts and cake. But, I don't sanitize the house by removing flour, eggs and sugar. I don't bring cake, but he can make some if he chooses to. I support, but I don't police or enforce. Make sense?

Edit: oops! I just realized this is the questions to PAs forums. Sorry..,PAs, please respond and don't mind me!

[Life-lies-trust]

We have limited to watching only Disney type videos. No catalogs, no movies that I love, love stories and action. TV is only educational of children programming, or something that we know is clean. Oh yea October starts sports again with Hockey (at least no cheerleaders).

[Life-lies-trust]

LLT-

Do your Zumba and love it!


Edit: oops! I just realized this is the questions to PAs forums. Sorry..,PAs, please respond and don't mind me!

I am fine with any answers I get thank you for the response.

[boris]

LLT-
WONLM makes some very valid points. It takes a compromise, which means both parties work together to find an agreeable middle ground that works. It sounds like you have already eliminated just about every possible trigger. If DG is allowing himself to be triggered by normal things, then he needs to be proactive in avoiding them. ZUMBA videos are not s*x tapes, so if let him know that you are going to be exercising, then he can be proactive by exercising his legs, and get up and leave the room.

When I was paralyzed, I had to be spoon fed to survive. As I recovered people did less and less for me, which forced me to take charge of my own recovery, with the support of loved ones. My wife is supportive and understanding, but she certainly doesn't do everything for me. She expects me to pull my own weight, like it or not. And I do. It's not noble. It's just what I'm supposed to do. Otherwise my life would be pathetic. Part of life is just "manning up" and taking responsibility for ones own success and happiness. That's everyone's one personal job. No one can do that for us.

Recovery isn't an gift, handed to us. It's a second chance at life, gotten there by an individual's own hard work and the desire for a better life. Our loved ones can help us fix our lives, but it's up to us carry our own tool box to the job site and then use it. If we don't, then we get to own our failures.

Boris

[Life-lies-trust]

Boris,
Thank you for your response. The issue has been that he uses women in workout settings like looking at P. That is why this issue was worrisome to me. Thank you again.