What to Expect in Therapy

[Devastated2]

Hey Everyone
Ive been posting on and off for about a year and a half now. Up until now, my h has been in denial & basically telling me he swore off p without doing the work. Naturally, without work there is no healing in the relationship & the lows we keep hitting finally got to him. Long story short, he has agreed to see a therapist. We had a disastrous outcome the first go around in therapy. I made sure this time the counselor is a certified sex therapist & emailed him explaining my side of this ugly issue. Then, I took a step back. I realized my codependency issues were coming to the forefront again & I cannot fix this for my h. So, he will be seeing the therapist alone. I am hoping he learns to talk about his p use, the issues involved, the lies he has told me. I won't be there so maybe it will be easier for him to do. I am wondering what I can expect. What will he start to see or not see in therapy? He was in an abusive relationship before me that included p. A lot of this stems from that I think. I am hopeful but cautious about him seeking help. Right now its all I have & we both really want to save this marriage before its too late.
Thanks in advance for any comments. For those in the beginning of this hell, have hope & patience. I never thought my h would seek therapy again for this.

[pipster22]

Hi dear,

I started therapy myself for my porn addiction about two months ago. I think it is a great idea for him to go in by himself - I can't imagine talking about half the things I talk about with my therapist with someone else in the room. Having it be just you and the therapist is really comforting.

I think the fact that your husband is willing to go to therapy is a huge step in itself. This means no matter how much denial he tries to spin off, he knows there is a problem and he wants to move ahead.

The hardest thing for me about therapy is that for so long I had put it on such a high pedestal. I would always think to myself "yeah ok, I may be addicted to this now, but eventually I will go to therapy and they will fix everything." This is not the case. Therapy is a lot of hard hard hard work. I used to be so excited to go in every week, now it scares me so much. The whole idea of it is revisiting the painful experiences that have lead to the addiction, which for your husband sound like it will probably be the abusive relationship.

For me, therapy has exposed thoughts that I never even knew I had. It's really an incredible experience. You learn to analyze your thoughts and what they really mean, how you feel deep down and what leads to what.

I think in the end you should have very high expectations for therapy, but do not expect that it will come easy. It's a very frusterating and aggravating process, but in the end it will clear so much pain and grief. Keep your head high throughout the process, and be sure to support your husband as much as you can - this will be a very painful experience for the both of you.

But just know, THERE IS HOPE!! :) You are on a very good track.

best of luck,

pippy

[Devastated2]

Thanks so much for your reply pippy. It means a lot to hear from those who have been there.
Best wishes in your recovery

[/B]

Hi dear,

I started therapy myself for my porn addiction about two months ago. I think it is a great idea for him to go in by himself - I can't imagine talking about half the things I talk about with my therapist with someone else in the room. Having it be just you and the therapist is really comforting.

I think the fact that your husband is willing to go to therapy is a huge step in itself. This means no matter how much denial he tries to spin off, he knows there is a problem and he wants to move ahead.

The hardest thing for me about therapy is that for so long I had put it on such a high pedestal. I would always think to myself "yeah ok, I may be addicted to this now, but eventually I will go to therapy and they will fix everything." This is not the case. Therapy is a lot of hard hard hard work. I used to be so excited to go in every week, now it scares me so much. The whole idea of it is revisiting the painful experiences that have lead to the addiction, which for your husband sound like it will probably be the abusive relationship.

For me, therapy has exposed thoughts that I never even knew I had. It's really an incredible experience. You learn to analyze your thoughts and what they really mean, how you feel deep down and what leads to what.

I think in the end you should have very high expectations for therapy, but do not expect that it will come easy. It's a very frusterating and aggravating process, but in the end it will clear so much pain and grief. Keep your head high throughout the process, and be sure to support your husband as much as you can - this will be a very painful experience for the both of you.

But just know, THERE IS HOPE!! :) You are on a very good track.

best of luck,

pippy