Is it possable to get past this without help?

[hopefulwife]

My hubbys been doing good. Well, I think my hubbys doing good. But he doesnt EVER bring it up. I seems like he belives he can just put it out of his mind and stop. He told me thats what he did. He just decided to stop and put it out of his mind. If it was that easy, and thats a big if, then why put me through hell and make me threaten to leave afew times befor he "decided" to stop. He doesnt talk to friends about it, he isnt in any groups, and he isnt a member of this site. I am very worried that this isnt over, not by a long shot, and im afraid that it will take a great deal for him to seek help and talk about what he feels. What do I do?

[Life-lies-trust]

You can not do this for him. He is the only one who can decide that he wants to stop. Only he can make the decisions. IMHO if he is not willing to talk to anyone about it he is lying. It may take you finding something again and you leaving to get him to wake up. My H only started to wake up when he lost his job over this.

HUGS and chocolate.

[FoolishMind]

It depends what you define as help.

I needed, a filter, a supporting wife, TTF, other members to support and advise. I define that as help, or you can define it as resources that you call upon.

But there are many members on this site who have controlled this addiction without therapy.

FM

[forgotten_not]

He doesnt talk to friends about it, he isnt in any groups, and he isnt a member of this site. I am very worried that this isnt over, not by a long shot, and im afraid that it will take a great deal for him to seek help and talk about what he feels.

My husband has been the same way, exception being he tells me he knows he needs to go to counselling, but then never follows through. He's gone at most a couple weeks without P on his own. I believe he has the will to break this addiction on his own, but I'm not sure he fully wants to. I don't know what to do either, or if I can even do anything more..

Good-luck hun. Thinking of you. <3

[hopefulwife]

Since I posted this he has slipped twice and I think another one is on the way. He tries so hard, but he wont explore the emotional reasons behind this at all. I even have no idea why he turned to this and I dont think he does either. He is just going to plug through on his own blindly hoping for the best. He doesnt talk to me he wont talk to anyone. When things were at there worst and we were talking about the D word I suggested marage counseling. The look on his face was not something I ever want to see again.

He is trying to do this on his own and it hasnt worked. The deffinition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again expecting different results. If thats so then I do belive that my husband has gone mad.

[OpenEyes]

Hi hopefulwife,

I hope I am not overstepping my boundries by offering a few suggestions here. First, does he actually admit he is a P ADDICT not someone with a bad habit? If so, then skip to the next suggestion. If he has not admitted the addiction part, print the surveys and ask him to take them. Put it in terms of you needing reassurance you two are actually on the same wavelength.

Once the addiction is admitted, print some of the Journals of the PA's here. Give them to him and tell him that if he really wants to stay married he needs to read them and answer a few questions. It may take some brute force to get him started, including threats with lots of emotion. I hope not, though.

Next, again let him know how this is affecting you, and ask him if he cares about that. Then suggest this site or a similar site (althought this IS the best there is IMO). Let him know that this is to help him be a better him, and you get to benefit from it.

I hope these suggestions help. They are designed to get him to admit the problem, understand some of the ramifications, and get him to understand that there is anonymous help out there.