Advice for Parents?

[Devastated2]

I am currently reading The Porn Trap and part of it discusses early exposure to p and the ways in which parents approach this discovery with their children. I have 2 girls 16 & 13 and 2 boys 9 & 4. Obviously, I am not as concerned about having the p discussion with my girls as I am with my boys. I want them to have a healthy view of intimacy, sex & relationships and I am not sure how to go about having the conversation about p and how it has the potential to distort these things. I feel the responsibility of this conversation falls to me because my husband has issues with porn so I don't feel he can adequately explain things to my sons in a healthy way. also, to the best of my knowledge, they have not been exposed to his porn use. If they have, it makes my feeling of urgency about saying the right thing all the more pressing. What advice would you give parents so they can speak to young boys in a healthy way about sexuality and how to avoid the porn trap?
Thanks in advance for any replies

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

We have a 16 year old and both of us have spoken to him about P. My husband is a recovering PA and knows more of what to say from a guy point of view, as well as the "been there, done that, screwed my life" point of view.

I have spoken to my son in passing about sx and healthy views of girls and looking at them as people and not as a means to an end. This is an ongoing, open-ended, but very one sided conversation generally. I speak, I hope he listens. I have told him that I know P is out there, and its enticing and its normal to be curious, especially at his age. But I told him that I don't want him looking at it for several reasons.

1. P is fake sx. If he watches P before he ever has a real relationship or actual sx, then he will get a very skewed viewpoint of sx. He will think that all he has to do is just show up and put in minimal effort and sx will be great and the girl will think he is a god. That is not true.
2. P is not Christian. Lust is a sin and watching P is giving in to lust.
3. Some people watch too much and get addicted and their life revolves around P, and that is sad.

That's P specifically. We talk about sx in general. I tell him its best to wait as long as he can because once he starts he won't want to stop and he needs to concentrate on school and achieving adulthood before he starts with sx.

We also talk about objectifying women and the double standards. He told me about some slut at school. I stopped him immediately and asked him to define a slut. I also asked him, how is it possible for a girl to be a slut on her own? What's the other part of the equation? We also talk at dinner about things on TV and in the news. We just keep an open diaglogue.

As for my husband's conversations with our son, I wasn't there for that. But I think our son knows fully how his dad got caught up and let P run his life and that we almost got divorced. He knows that P is not just pictures and movies and harmless.

I hope you can have open conversations with your kids. They don't like getting trapped in embarassing long conversations, so just work it into general life. Talk to your husband as well. Ask him what he thinks you should tell your sons. Also, ask him what you think you should tell your daughters. If he likes P, and its no problem, does he think that's a great career move for his little girls? Maybe it will make him think.

I wish you well.

[Devastated2]

Thanks so much. This is very helpful. I was discussing talking to my 9 year old son with my husband. He shied away from the conversation. Too much projecting I think. But I plan to do it alone if I have to. Too many young kids being exposed to this garbage by accident, even when parents are vigilant with parental controls. Thanks for your advice.