How can I help my PA "friend" find the underlying issue that feeds his PA?

[still learning]

I have several ideas on what caused a somewhat normal teenage P looking followed by MB to turn into an addiction. He was 15 when his brother who was also his idol drowned. It's been 8 years and when he talks about his brother it's as if it's ok that he died. He is a very spiritual person and feels that he is in a better place.
I didn't know him back then but my ex-husband lost a child and never mourned her. This kind of behavior cannot be healthy!
How do I get him to see that his PA could be related to his brother's death without stepping on his toes?:-<

[Life-lies-trust]

He need professional help with this. My H also had to deal with the death of an expected child when his mother had a still birth at 9 months. He was the only one to attend the bury of the boy. He then buried the emotions and it has taken counseling to open it up.

[still learning]

Do you think that is what caused your husbands PA?

[OpenEyes]

Speaking as a PA, I think you should look at it as a general addiction with worse emotional, and less physical effects. Get your friend to just read about addiction in general. That may be all he needs to start "discovering" more about himself. PA is far more embarrising and more guilt follows this addiction than almost any other. The guild may be tied to loss or not, but that is for your friend to discover with professional help. Your best move as a friend may be just to open his eyes to a related topic, then as he becomes aware of addiction as a whole, then give some advice on PA. Just my thoughts, but I am very new to this and am still struggling myself. I hope it helps.

OpenEyes

There is an eternal landscape, a geography of the soul; we search for its outlines all our lives. ~Josephine Hart

[Desert Ghost]

I have several ideas on what caused a somewhat normal teenage P looking followed by MB to turn into an addiction. He was 15 when his brother who was also his idol drowned. It's been 8 years and when he talks about his brother it's as if it's ok that he died. He is a very spiritual person and feels that he is in a better place.
I didn't know him back then but my ex-husband lost a child and never mourned her. This kind of behavior cannot be healthy!
How do I get him to see that his PA could be related to his brother's death without stepping on his toes?:-<

Greetings,

Being a PA and also dealing with MB, just let me say that there is probably more then just the death of his brother that he idolized. An until he can expose all the painful trauma of his past, he will have trouble letting go of the addiction. But, once he can confront all the painful past events and acknowledge that they happened and the emotions tied to those events. He can then begin the healing process and reclaim his life from the addiction.

But, he will always have to be on his guard to prevent relapse into the addiction. Because this is a life long struggle, which requires that he stay aware of his behaviors. Because this world is full of those images and other things that can act as triggers for the addiction.

[dave]

This sounds like familiar territory to that of my recovery. I used a counsellor who I learned of thru an SAA. Group members tend to know which therapists have a grasp on this affliction. Much as my wife loves and cares for me and my recovery, she is too close to help me with this part of my journey.

Just talking about the good work my counsellor and I did makes me want to call up for another session although I just passed 2 years clean and havn't seen her for almost a year. The work I did with her was life changing. SAA taught me how to stay clean, but the counselling gave me deeper insight into the roots of who I am and who I am becoming.

Dave