is PA about sex?

[still learning]

My ex who is now a very good "friend" says his PA is not about sex yet he MBs everytime he looks at P. Can someone explain this to me?

[Alika]

I would also appreciate seeing some input to this question from the PAs on this forum, though I know the answers may be (very) painful.

[Life-lies-trust]

As much as us SO's see it as related to s3x it is not. It is related to emotions and trauma than it is to the act of s3x. This is how the addict handles stress and emotions in their lives. They do it once and feel better so try it again and from there it expands. This is a concept that is extremely HARD on us SO's to deal with because of the trust and lies that are involved.

[Hilroy]

This is, at least for me, a bit of a tough one to wrap my head around. To start with, yeah it was probably about sex or sexuality, but beyond that I think it became more about release or a coping mechanism to deal with a variety of problems I have, and then it became a habitual thing that didn't seem to really be tied into anything specific.

I guess it's like other addictions. Alcoholism, for example: For a lot of people, it starts out with drinking and having a good time or whatever, and then it can become a coping mechanism to deal with stress or heartache or anxiety or what-have-you, and then it can become a habit rather than something used to cover up other problems, and somewhere along the line things have morphed to the point where it's definitely no longer about having some drinks to unwind and have a good time.

That's just my take, and I'm sure that this is something that varies person to person, but I hope this is at least helpful in some way.

[FoolishMind]

Really good question, and as Hilroy says, a very tough one.

Having been a PA for over 10 years, and being P free for over 2 years, I would still struggle to answer this accurately. This may sound silly, but it is also dependent on your definition of "sex".

i.e. is PA about wanting to have sex? or is PA about wanting to watch sex etc. perhaps i mean the context rather than the definition.

Anyway...My short subjective answer is as follows:

PA (p0rn addiction) is being addicted to images moving or still that causes one to get excited. After being numbed to a variety of issues, one finds it harder in the search for images that continue the excitement. therefore the searches become longer, and sometimes more dangerous.

Through all of this exposure, one will fantasize and yes it could lead to one searching for actually carrying out a s3xual act. But you will find this will differ from one PA to another.

I dont think you will get a straight YES or NO answer to this question, as it is really open to differing contexts.

But from my perspective, the answer would be a tentative NO, as I still stand by the fact that SA and PA are different addictions, while having similar traits. in the same way that a drug addict may not have an alcohol addiction, but at times, through the lack of drugs, may turn to the bottle so to speak.

Hope i haven't confused you more.
FM

[Alika]

Thank you for all the replies.

It is one of those questions I've asked my PA without (possibly wrongly) giving too much validity to the answers even though I am aware that it may very well be a different experience for each individual. The different answers are real useful in order to gain more insight, and I hope more will follow.

[still learning]

Thank you soooo much for your replies! Keep them coming!

[Charly22]

I can see how they are seperate, but yet I believe they are connected. I believe PA will turn to porn, and find porn more fulfulling than sex. So, ones sexlife will suffer because of porn. Porn will numb one to the real thing. I believe they are connected.