Compulsive MB

[Devastated2]

I'm wondering how much this plays an all encompassing role in this addiction. I understand it sort if goes along with viewing p. However, my h has also used mb directly after sex with me. I believe it happens quite often and to me it is a serious sign of addiction. You can only imagine what this does to my self esteem.
Is this type of behavior common for most PAs?
Thanks in advance for any insight

[maggie]

Devastated,

You are a brave and tolerant women. I know that his actions must make you feel less attractive and as you said, harm your self esteem. That is terrible.....but...keep reminding yourself that it is his problem....not yours. Yes, it effects you and makes you feel bad, but it is his behavior that is out of whack.

Don't let his bad behavior make you feel less of yourself. I've been doing alot of reading on MB and it seems that many young boys begin using mb as a comforting activity when they are upset or lonely and never grow out of it.

Eventually, it changes the chemicals in the brain and the frontal lobe (?) stops analyzing the ethical aspects of that behavior. Frequent MB must confuse the mind as far as what real sex represents, a closeness and sharing between 2 people. Not, an isolated activity of one person pleasuring himself with his hand.

[Life-lies-trust]

Devastated2 PA and MB go together from all that I have been reading. Please keep telling yourself that this is HIS issue and you are a good beautiful person. My PA/MB addict did it in secret since he was 9 yrs old. I have only caught him once in 30+ years of marriage. He also did not buy P but used amateur sites so I can not even be mad at the P industry. I have figured out that he has been MB at least 5 times a week and only interacted with me so that I did not uncover his secret world.

This is a compulsive behavior that is part of the PA for most addicts.

You are not the problem here it is his problem that he must address.

[Devastated2]

Thank you for the kind words ladies.
I do realize that this is his issue and not mine. Although he is not prepared to face this right now, I still read & learn in an effort to understand. What I am finding is this is a shame based illness. In his previous relationship, he was physically & emotionally abused. It is my belief that this has played a big role in this. I do try to fight the good fight by learning all I can....But I admit it gets exhausting at times. I am glad to have this forum to come to.
Thanks again

[Life-lies-trust]

What I am finding is this is a shame based illness. In his previous relationship, he was physically & emotionally abused. It is my belief that this has played a big role in this. I do try to fight the good fight by learning all I can....But I admit it gets exhausting at times. I am glad to have this forum to come to.
Thanks again

It would be so great if they created a magic pill that would take this addiction away. Reality is that the addict has to come to the belief that they need help. This also means facing their past and being to move beyond it for some. My H grew up with abuse and over controlling mother. He hid behind a wall of secrets till December when the wall came crashing down with acting out at work.

You can learn a lot about this and as an SO it is heart breaking because we can not make it just go away. Education helps.

[QueenofHearts]

I'm wondering what the definition of MB addiction really is.

If you are doing it on a daily basis, does that constitute being addicted to MB?

Should a PA completely avoid MB for a time in the beginning of their recovery, or is that not necessary. If they manage to MB without the use of P, does that affect the recovery?

I need to find answers to the whole MB thing. We're taught in school that MB is normal, and obviously all guys do it throughout their life...but at what point is it considered excessive?

I've never been a big MB myself so I don't get it.

Any comments from PA's about this is welcome.

[Life-lies-trust]

QoH
It is part of the addiction when the person will use it rather than be with a real person. With DG it was a compulsion that he could not stop and was part of his addictive acting out cycle. He did really use this as a way to deal with emotions not really about s@x. But it does take all the s@xual energy from our relationship. This was developed as result of abuse and a place where he got pleasure, felt safe, in control, released stress and tension.

[gnein]

I'm wondering what the definition of MB addiction really is.

If you are doing it on a daily basis, does that constitute being addicted to MB?

Should a PA completely avoid MB for a time in the beginning of their recovery, or is that not necessary. If they manage to MB without the use of P, does that affect the recovery?

I need to find answers to the whole MB thing. We're taught in school that MB is normal, and obviously all guys do it throughout their life...but at what point is it considered excessive?

I've never been a big MB myself so I don't get it.

Any comments from PA's about this is welcome.

I can only answer this as a PA who is not and has never been in a sxual relationship (at least not yet), but for me the MB thing is just an outlet. I don't have a partner with whom I can be intimate, so I resort to MB to let off steam. I find that the amount I MB drops right off when I'm not using P. Without P I might MB once or twice a week, but when I'm using P, it could be everyday (or sometimes more than once a day). So effectively, P seems to be an artificial stimulant above and beyond what I really need, and that's where it can get excessive.

On the other hand, if I was in a sxual relationship where I was regularly being intimate with a partner, and I still felt the need to MB on a regular basis, that might be a cause for concern. I really don't know whether it hinders or assists in recovery, but I do know that it takes the body and the mind time to adapt to being without P, particularly in my case as I've been using P for so long. Sometimes, if the urge to use P is particularly strong, then perhaps five minutes of MB (without P) is better than 2 hours of P.

[gnein]

I'm wondering how much this plays an all encompassing role in this addiction. I understand it sort if goes along with viewing p. However, my h has also used mb directly after sex with me. I believe it happens quite often and to me it is a serious sign of addiction. You can only imagine what this does to my self esteem.
Is this type of behavior common for most PAs?
Thanks in advance for any insight

If I'm having sx with someone and they don't reach climax, then MBing afterward to 'finish up' isn't an issue, providing it only happens occasionally. However, if it was happening regularly, I'd probably be worried. If it's a situation where your partner is using P, AND failing to reach climax with you on a regular basis, there's definitely an issue there.

[QueenofHearts]

Maybe that's the whole selfishness about P and MB. Thinking that one is "owed" a climax, and doing whatever it takes to have it.

Women don't climax at every sexual encounter, nor do they expect to. If I do then cool, if I don't then no big deal.

I don't know...I'm not a guy so it's obviously different for women than men.