Question about 12 step programs

[Life-lies-trust]

During the first months of 12step is the addict to only talk with their group and cut communication with their spouse about their addiction?

[dave]

I didn't tallk only to 12 step group. My wife was in the know about my 12 step work (SAA). I found a sponsor and those discussions were quite private. My wife affirmed my SAA meeting attendance and we talked in generalities about what attending was like. I think it gave her a step towards trust to hear about my movement through recovery.
There were times when I wished she had a 12 step group as well, but we found a way to balance and respect our individual and mututal recoveries.

I suggested she look at this site but I don't really know if she ever did - perhaps. Early on my sponsor helped me understand that I had to keep my side of the road clean and leave the rest alone.

It may not be the same for others.

[Newlifeman]

To answer your question, no the PA is not supposed to cut off all communication with the Spouse or SO while in the program! In fact, the 12 step program will likely encourage the PA to increase his/her communication!

I am going through a 12 step faith -based program called "Celebrate Recovery" An online search will turn it up and hopefully a way to find one locally. I go to the church twice a week, one day is group worship and then we break into small groups for a short period of time, men and women, and if their is enough people, PA/SA addictions and all others.

The second one each week is the specific 12 step recovery program and is limited specifically to those going through it, and again, men and women are separate. This is where a PA attending must examine oneself with the goal of defeating their addictions, recognizing their behaviors, and then learning to alter their behaviors with new positive ones. This examination can be difficult, painful, and emotional. A PA may share more initially with the CR group than a spouse, primarily because the group is run by people who have recovered from addiction themselves, who understand them, and will listen to them without judgment or criticism. This also becomes the support team and accountability team. I am a firm believer in CR for a PA that has truly made the decision to stop. I needed and some do, the completed shock of possibly losing my entire wife and family to divorce to make me realize the extent of my problem. Even with that major even propelling me, I am not sure I would be clean today without the CR group! Dealing with a PA/SA addiction without help or accountability from othes is very difficult!

As time goes on, the PA should open up and communicate more, but know that it will not always be easy. Ask questions, be sensitive to what they are willing or not willing to talk about, but on the other hand be firm and ensure you are getting honesty, accept nothing less as that is a core foundation to defeating this addiction!