Is he really a PA? Or is he just on the verge of becoming one?

[Brooke_M]

I have a question that has been weighing on my mind lately and didn't know where to ask. I hope that my asking is not offensive to anyone and doesn't come across as degrading or disrespetful to anyone who may read this.

I have spend ALOT of time reading all the posts here and I have come to question whether or not my H really is a PA or just on the verge of becoming one, and here is why...

He has told me that he does have the urge to look at P and that the thought gets into his head and won't go away until he does. However, he is able to control whether he looks at it or not. He can go weeks w/o it (supposedly, there are still some trust issues here regarding whether or not I choose to believe this), he also says that he can just look at suggestive pictures instead. For instance, when I found out that he had been watching P, he told me that it had been a few weeks since he had actually done it but admitted to looking at suggestive pictures of women in swimsuits.

He also says that the need isn't constant, it comes and goes. It has just been coming alot more than it had before. He doesn't M everytime he watches it. He actually never has to M when he watches it and has only used the images in his mind from watching P to M occassionally. He says that just the images are enough to satisfy him. Since all this has started, he says that he hasn't had the urge to look at P or suggestive images.

Now I realize I may be hoping he isn't a PA so that this whole process seems "less bad" in my mind, if that makes sense. And I do realize that it will take alot of work for him not give into his urges, but is this problem he has w/P really an addiction right now? Or is it just close to becoming one?

He claims that he doesn't need to see more, or spend more time looking at it than he did when he first started doing it. And he also says that he isn't constantly thinking about it. More like something triggers it randomly and then it's hard to stop thinking about it. When I asked how often he has the urges to view P, he said that it varies. It isn't every 30 minutes, or even every hour. It may be 3 times a day but then there are days when it isn't there at all.

I still plan to continue on the road we're on now, we are going to therapy and he is still going to treat this as a PA. But for my peace of mind, I guess I'm wondering how serious his addiction really is at this point.

I hope this all makes sense, sometimes it's hard to explain what I'm thinking and feeling. Please know that in no way am I saying that P isn't a serious problem, I just wonder how serious his is, compared to other people I have read about here. I also realize addiction varies from person to person. Just hoping someone can help me see where he stands in relation to others.

[Desert Ghost]

Hello Brooke_M, I am a PA and also an MB addict. Just let me say that your H is an addict to P and may or may not be a addicted to MB.

Your statement "He has told me that he does have the urge to look at P and that the thought gets into his head and won't go away until he does. However, he is able to control whether he looks at it or not. He can go weeks w/o it (supposedly, there are still some trust issues here regarding whether or not I choose to believe this), he also says that he can just look at suggestive pictures instead. For instance, when I found out that he had been watching P, he told me that it had been a few weeks since he had actually done it but admitted to looking at suggestive pictures of women in swimsuits." is an indication that he is addicted to P an in attempting to cover the fact he saying that he is looking at suggestive images is a way that he trying to hide the fact that his brain is seeing the suggestive images in a P way. An a addiction is always serious and should be treated as being serious.

It sounds like he is wanting to give up the addictions and that is good sign in itself. But, the two of you still have a long road ahead of you. Just remember that this addiction is not just about him, but is about the both of you and and one else that he interact with such as friends, co-workers, and other family members.

I hope that this has not been to painful for you to read. But, the truth of the matter is he has not been truthful with himself or you about the extend of his addiction. I have to say that it does sound like he is truly seeking to recover from his addiction since you said that he is in therapy. I wish the both of you the best of luck and remember that there is hope.