question on sexless relationships...

[mcp]

I am the so of a pa. Not married, live together. I knew of his pa for about a year. He has faced it maybe 9 weeks ago. In therapy. He is lots of meds for blood pressure and depression. He is saying that his new anti depressant is affecting his libido. I think its the withdraw from P and the guilt and shame that surely accompany the addiction.

Are you ever worried that your so will turn to another person to fufill the needs that you are not meeting? Or for revenge?

[artguy34]

Ok, this is a loaded question... but I will answer honestly.

First of all, to address infidelity, if an SO feels the need to get "revenge" then why try to rectify the marriage? Just leave and get on with your own life. Because in truth, what justification would it be to have an affair? That would mean the SO is no better than the PA, except the affair was a physical one. Instead of one problem, there are now two problems.

As far as your husbands libido being reduced because of anti-depressant meds? Well my two cents are this: My father was on anti-depressants. All of them made him feel sick in one way or another. We tried to tell him there were many different prescriptions and to find the one that works best.

His ignorance led him to believe he was better off not taking them at all. Eventually he put a gun to his chest and killed himself.

17+ years of a bad childhood, plus 18 months fighting in Vietnam, then coming home to the U.S. where racism was running rampant against veterans could not do what simple medication could have helped. If only he tried different meds. Now I live with regret because my children will never be able to see their grandfather who would have loved them dearly. No my father was no saint, but when he was in his good moments, he always wished to be a grandfather. That will never happen now.

So yes, anti-depressants can affect the libido, but its up to your husband to ask for a different prescription if the side effects are that harsh. Besides, this is a decision that affects both of you, so make the choice as a couple!

Good Luck!

[FoolishMind]

Are you ever worried that your so will turn to another person to fufill the needs that you are not meeting? Or for revenge?

No. In my experience, I knew my wife loved me so much, that is probably why i lied and lied despite being caught out so many times. I only knew it was serious, and she was looking for a way out when she threatened divorce.


~ Revenge is always the weak pleasure of a little and narrow mind. ~


FM

[little_wife]

mpc,
I personally, think this was a very good question.

Maybe everyone will look down on me for admitting this, but often during the years i felt very unsatisfied and lonely. There may be some spouses that never ever look elsewhere, regardless of this addiction, but I certainly wasn't that perfect. My husband would make it clear that other women were what he needed for his fullfulment, and that porn & stripclubs were just what men needed. Excuse me for not being that altruistic, I DID want revenge. And furthermore, I don't think I'm a bad person either. My husband was selfish, and I became selfish. So gentlemen, if you want us SO's to be empathetic towards your issues, perhaps you should also be empathetic towards the fact that we as your partners might have been attracted to other people also. I know I was VERY lonely, most the time, I felt like I had no partner. And yes, I was tempted!

[debv]

I was tempted, and I had "crushes" on a couple of people, one as recently as this summer. They really didn't develop out of anything other than a need for the attention that I wasn't getting at home, and none of them developed into an emotional affair, let alone a physical affair. Now, I didn't know at all about my PA's 14-year addiction until about 6, maybe 7 weeks ago, so there was no desire for an affair for revenge. I have to admit I thought about it when I found out, I was tempted, and I believe I had the opportunity. But, I didn't attempt to find out if I really had the opportunity or not, in no small part because I realized that I would indeed be little better than my H if I were to cheat on him, even though mine would only be with one man not the 1400-1500 women he MB to (IMO with) over the 14-year span of his addiction.

I'm still working out whether I'm going or staying in this marriage. I have a couple of mental roadblocks about what's locked in his head after 14 years that may destroy the possibility of staying together, even though I love him very much. But I am certainly not going to have an affair. I'll either wait till I'm divorced, or stay faithful to my husband. Those are the only right choices, IMO.