I can't even look at men w/o feeling icky- can you?

[soooosad]

So maybe it is just part of my journey but I am really struggling with men in general right now.

FM says 9 out of 10 men look at porn etc. how many are "addicted"? I "know" it is part of their "make-up" but are all men really just pigs? And how would they feel if the roles were exactly reversed?

I can't even look at a man these days without thinking that he's a pig and feeling really icky! I honestly think that if my husband and I can't make it work I will be looking for a woman for my next (if I ever even have another) relationship.

Sorry guys, I can't help it!

Am I the only one who feels this way??? ss

[Abbie]

No you are not. I think it's a natural reaction to what you've discovered. Not everybody feels like this, but I also found myself feeling similar to this when I first found out about my husband, so don't feel alone!

[FoolishMind]

Sooosad, I am sorry if that upset you, it does upset me. But reading it like that seems like its out of context. I have not done an official survey, and therefore it is in no way accurate. But i did further mention that 9 out of 10 men , has viewed P in some way shape or form. It does not mean 9 out of 10 men are addicted.

Like everything in this world, when something hurts you, or upsets you, its all too easy to generalise and im sure you if you take a step back you will agree with that. Not all men are bad, infact, im sure very few are, and the majority will be good.

When I was a teen, and girl broke up with me, I would say I hate all women.

If a guy dressed in all rapper style attire attacks me, It doesnt mean all people in who wear rapper style clothing are in gangs

If a guy dressed in islamic clothing throws a bomb, it doesnt mean all people in islamic clothing are terrorists.

So please accept my apologies if that statement upset you unneccessarily. It is unfortunate that i do upset a few people unintentionally here, the main reason being i prefer to be frank and straight, as dancing around a problem, or sugar coating words tends not to get the real message across.

I have been brutually honest with myself, as my wife was brutually honest with me to break me down. That has given me the strength to dive straight through to the source of the problem, as in the same way has allowed my wife to use the strength to focus and educate her mind, to support her own personal journey in supporting a PA.

FM

[Avegan]

I often look at men and wonder if they look at P or not, it makes me sad as i guess most do. It's hard for me because i have a lot of male friends, however, they are ethical people so i wouldn't think they would be into P, but who knows... although i know some don't have a computer so that helps!

I went through a stage where i was hating men, i used to see random strangers and kinda imagine them on the computer looking at P and upsetting their girlfriends.

[Searching4peace]

So maybe it is just part of my journey but I am really struggling with men in general right now.

FM says 9 out of 10 men look at porn etc. how many are "addicted"? I "know" it is part of their "make-up" but are all men really just pigs? And how would they feel if the roles were exactly reversed?

I agree with FM in the statement that 9 out of 10 men at some point in their life have looked at porn, now that's not to say that that many still do, but one never knows. I also don't think it's part of their "make-up" per say, but more social and cultrual conditioning...there are two extremes in this Imo that cause an addiction. Those that are Held so far away from any connection with their sexuality and expression of it, and those that are somehow, be it by their own actions or those around them, submerged into their focus on sexuality. I hope that statement made sense to everyone, and again this is just my opinion.

I can't even look at a man these days without thinking that he's a pig and feeling really icky! I honestly think that if my husband and I can't make it work I will be looking for a woman for my next (if I ever even have another) relationship.

I went through this also, and it wasn't a generalization as FM put it...It is a normal reaction to trauma. You're not saying that Every man you ever run into is a pig, addict, abusive, demeaning to women, you are just asking if anyone else has had moments where they fear the same thing. I know where you are coming from. You walk into a restruant and hear a guy and his buddies making jokes about the hot bartender, and it brings all the hate and saddness you feel towards your male partner to the surface, and yes it's hard to overcome that gut reaction to "hate" men. I have found with time and trying to react to everyone I meet with an open heart, mind and soul and coming from a place of love even if it's hard for me to do works well to erase those innate reactions.

Sorry guys, I can't help it!

Am I the only one who feels this way??? ss

Nope you're not alone...and I said the same things that many of you have When this bombs I'm switching to women...and that's not to say that one day if my marriage doesn't work out that I won't do just that. I have also chosen to curb the rest of this comment on the grounds that It may trigger unwanted actions in some of our members...so if you want my further response as a SO hit me up in a PM.

Peace and Love,
me

[Inshi]

Hi SooooSad, iam really sorry you feel that way. And I know exactly how u feel. I used to be like that and still am like that sometimes. But I know alot of guys who think P is wrong and hence dont look at anything of that sort. But then thats not in a Western country, most guys I have met who dont look at P dont live in the west, so Iam sure if they moved over here, they would think, P is readily available here, so maybe theres nothing wrong with it. Where Iam originally from, P is illegal. U are not allowed to sell P mags in shops, no P movis can be rented or bought in any movie shops, no strip clubs etc etc. So they are brought up to think its wrong. Most guys I work with in the UK think thats extreme and its wrong to force people to act like that, but then again, the teenage preganancy and rape rate is very low back home compared to the UK, so I guess that proves a point.
Men back home are brought up to respect women, they would never talk about women in the same way that men in the west do.When i first moved to UK I was shocked at the way men discuss about women and even that in front of other women. They talk about watching P like it was a day to day job. If you dont watch P and think its wrong , you are considered as a nutter. A guy at work who thinks P is the best thing in the world kept calling this other guy, a retard and mental, just cos he thought P is wrong and hence he doesnt watch it. So its peer pressure and wanting to be part of a crowd that tends to push certain people towards it.
So i think its the way you are brought up and the people you move with that affect you more than anything.
Soooosad, not all guys are like that, there are some lovely guys out there, who feel the same way as we do.
There are alot of women out there who are addicted to P too, so theres no easy way out really.
Be strong and you will overcome this.

[cmperry]

Where Iam originally from, P is illegal. U are not allowed to sell P mags in shops, no P movis can be rented or bought in any movie shops, no strip clubs etc etc.

That sounds like a lovely place.

[Avegan]

That sounds like a lovely place.

I was thinking that too.

[soooosad]

Thanks to everyone for your responses - it really does help!

FM - no need to apologize! it was a feeling I was having long before you made that statement!

Inshi - where are you from? - it does sound lovely - and do you think the reduced rape rate etc. is directly related to no porn? Horifying isn't it!

anyway - thanks - ss

And really how do you think men would feel if we were all looking at naked men and their large "members" and "getting off" on a daily basis and then rejecting them? (I know there are also women who are PAs but I don't think it is too wrong to generalize to men). And sorry I am still in the angry zone - I don't mean to be soooo negative - I am certain - this too shall pass! thanks again!

[Inshi]

Iam from Sri Lanka, its a little Island in the Indian Ocean, just incase u havent heard of it. Lovely lovely place to be.
Iam not saying P is the cause for etc all the time, but in many cases I would say yes. I hear on the news of 10-11 year old kids, ually assaulting, older women. Recently I read on the paper that a couple of 8 year old kids in bicycles, inappropriately grabbed a lady who was jogging and laughed at her for freaking out. From where are these little kids getting all these ideas? All the p mags and some newspapers have scantily clad women on their front covers and kids do look at these things when they walk past these shelves and even music videos are the same, all these things put suggestive ideas into young kids brains. It is very sad to see them lose their childhood and grow up too quick. It is a very sad world.
I totally understand your anger. I used to be like that and still am when it comes to certain people. Then anger is gonna be there for awhile. U have been through alot and its only natural to get angry with every single person u see as a threat. Understandable. Just keep posting and eventually u will calm down:D