scared

[jenkay]

I have just discovered my husband is addicted to porn, and not only porn, but homosexual porn...........I have suspected porn for a long time, but not this.

[bethanypetrella]

Hi Jen,

Welcome to throughtheflame, I do understand what you might be going through. But before you jump into any conclusion I would say speak to your DH and find out what's actually going on. He could be watching homosexual porn just out of curiosity and may not imply that he is inclined to it but even in this scenario things may get complicated in future.
You have mentioned that you suspected your husband to be porn addict for a long time. I would just hope that it is not very late but please do try to do your bit here as this could be of immense help to your husband and your marriage. Of course, things may seem to be impossible at the beginning but if you can make your husband realize what he is doing is causing so much trouble and agony to his near and dear ones I am sure he will think twice.

regards
Beth

[jenkay]

I am not about to give up on my marriage because I know of problems of his growing up years could have caused a lot of this. I just want him to get help and admit that he does have a problem.........
I have found too many of his mistakes, so I know he is addicted and not just curious..........

[Light]

Have you had a serious discussion with him about this? How much does he know you know about the situation? I think the first thing to do, if you haven't done so would be to get the issue out in the open. Does he admit that he has a problem?

Good luck to you and please let us know how it goes...

[bethanypetrella]

Hi Jen,

The first thing that needs to be done, which itself could be a little challenging is that you need to make your husband realize now this may take time. I have known people who got violent when they were made to do so. So you have to be tactful and handle this intelligently. Try to make him realize that he is causing mental suffering to his dear ones, words are better kept aside try to make him see that in your actions or behavior.
At a stage where a person is addicted to porn or anything for that matter he tends to forget everything so don't care much about what he says as you are actually trying to help him.
You could try one more thing, try to get him out of his daily set of work I mean, you could plan a vacation and spend considerable amount of time together. During that time you can speak to him about your concerns.
Whatever course you plan to take, what you are doing is appreciable, just stay strong.

Regards
Beth

[helpme4life]

Hi. I am a recovering porn addict. I was never caught, I just quit in order not to allow it to ruin my marriage or sex life. I agree with Beth. People can get violent when they are addicted to something especially if it comes out in the open. They feel like they are being attacked. You need to make him understand that you love him no matter what but this is something that concerns you. Don't make him get on the defensive side as this will cause him to clam up. He will not want to share his feelings. Allow him to be honest and make sure he understands that you are there for him. He is obviously going through something and this is the only way he feels that he can blow off some steam so to speak. Just be sure to reassure him in his manhood. Best of luck to you and I hope this helps.

[bob]

You need to make him understand that you love him no matter what but this is something that concerns you. Don't make him get on the defensive side as this will cause him to clam up. He will not want to share his feelings. Allow him to be honest and make sure he understands that you are there for him. He is obviously going through something and this is the only way he feels that he can blow off some steam so to speak. Just be sure to reassure him in his manhood.

Rightly said so, but I would like to add that as beth has mentioned all these can only help if you can make your husband realize that his acts are causing problems.
But yeah you have to be patient and don't make your husband feel like he is left out unsupported as helpme4life has mentioned, love is a big thing and if you can convince your DH that he is supported no matter what then he might spill out everything and then you can devise some way out to have him get rid of his addiction.

Bob