What are warning signs that your partner might be addicted to porn?

[stingerD39]

This is what I gather when he says you are 'holding back'...it's his indirect way of asking you to do something you don't usually do in bed, reflective of what he's seen online...

Just a guess.

[diamondtears]

He uses it as an excuse to not be more involved with me intimately. I don't know how to deal with this whole thing. I have never been through anything like this. I just joined, so maybe I will pick up on some good ideas here because I need them.

[stingerD39]

I understand, that's putting restrictions on sex, making it a dirty thing instead of the beautiful thing it really is...

[apachedove]

The way I found out about my boyfriends PD was the way he acted in bed. He tried getting me to do things that he never tried before. Also he was very forceful, non of his actions worked infact it really made me mad. His excuse was he thought I was bored in the bedroom and thought trying new things would be good. He was trying to act out things he saw on the P sites.

Everytime I got on the computer porn sites would pop up on the screen. He would sneak on the computer when he thought I was asleep. He started burning CD's and he started forgeting to erace his history. Sometimes I actually think he wanted me to find out what he was doing.

After many fights and me sleeping on the sofa I thought things would get better but they have only gotten worse. Now he's happy to spend his time in the bedroom with the laptop, his CD's and take care of himself. I feel fine go for it because you lost me along time ago. Also what he's feeling is not love.

[kirsten0555]

My husband gts up about 30 minutes before I do for work and this morning I got up to go to the kitchen for a drink and he came out of the bathroom with his computer under his arm. I asked him why he had it with him in the bathroom and he said he was checking his email while he sat there. Granted, he does take a while, but when he jumped in the shower I checked the history and low and behold guess what I saw?!

So beware on not only late night computer habits, but morning as well...

[brulant]

I think its important to examine the warning signs from the perspective of what we go through, too.

Here are some warning signs for YOU to look out for within YOU!!!

1) You start dressing sexier or doing more things that you normally would never have done.

Be very careful of things which compromise your integrity and self-esteem because they can have incredibly damaging side effects. The partner will often use them against you or them as a means to go further just to warn you.

2) Feel like you need to balance the equation.

PA starts somewhere and often the brain will play tricks on you. These, too, can cause devastating consequences to your self esteem and integrity. What is good for the goose is *not* good for the gander in this context especially! Be careful of wanting to start on-line relationships, too.

3) Feeling like you're not good enough.

Our brains will immediately look at how we might have caused this. If we state this the world will always hold us accountable for this, too. Its part of why the co-dependency stuff is spewed so often. Often we take on the shame and blame that isn't ours to bear.

4) Getting irritable, cranky, or depressed (which the former are often symptoms of).

These are signs that our gut is telling us something is wrong. Learn to trust your gut and intuition. Anger, by the way, has several sources: 1) that guilt is triggered inside of us (think of how addiction affects people and what they do to not take responsibility or to shift the perspective to distract, etc.) 2) when our self-esteem and integrity are being compromised.

Anger is often a red flag to tell us that something is wrong. Find out how to turn that anger into something constructive instead of (self-)destructive.

A pattern that I discovered with my ex-PA was that he was pushing my buttons in order to get a reaction from me so that he could then use it as a rationalization/justification to act out. When I learned how to stop "reacting" to those buttons because I was becoming aware of the patterns (I had started keeping a daily record in a calander) it turned out that he knew he was "busted", but he did what he wanted anyway.

5) Isolate ourselves.

This is by far the most dangerous thing we can do. If we are isolated from friends, family, and community we are less likely to find out, see, hear, etc. that something wrong *is* really going on.

Another common thing is that we commonly will change location (move) so that our partners are no longer triggered. This doesn't work!!! We just become more isolated from those who care about us and addicts will find their addiction anywhere/everywhere.

Take care of yourselves and don't forget to show appreciation to those around you even if you feel embarrassed or ashamed. Shame and embarrassment are also really great signals that something is wrong.... and its probably *NOT* us! ; )

good night everyone!!
much love

5)

[Abbie]

I think another sign that hasn't been covered here is the TV

If the TV keeps 'tuning itself in' then someone has definitely been there.

I found P channels tuned in ever time I checked (I have a teen too so wasn't just checking for my husband). I even used a PIN to lock them, but they kept 'coming back'. Of course, he had nothing to do with this (ahem!).

This can also happen on games consoles (PSX3 and Wii), just so everybody knows.

[mybitz]

my husband always denies he does that. We cant go out or spend time together because of this problem as i get very upset. I have tended to avoid social situations with him to avoid the inevitable outcome.

[mybitz]

please can you tell me how they get to p on the xbox. my husband on it till 3 every morning since i got rid of his lap top and put pin on tv.

[Abbie]

MyBitz,

Through a browser here:

LinksBoks 0.9 - Xbox-Hq.Com

Find out about parental controls here:

Xbox.com | Family Settings - Family Settings: Xbox Live Controls